Larry and Mick Have Tea With Gloria Estefan

'Who is it we're having tea with, again?' said Mick.
'Gloria Estefan,' said Larry.
'You mean the Cuban eighties pop sensation?' said Mick.
'If you like,' said Larry.
They waited nervously for Ms Estefan to arrive. They had waited all their lives for this moment. Well, the last couple of weeks, anyway. They had sent out the invitation to her agent, stating the time and the place, asking whether she took one lump or two and what type of cake she would prefer. They hadn't received a reply, but they were confident she wouldn't let them down. She seemed nice in all her videos.
'What was her name again?' said Mick.
'Gloria Estefan,' said Larry.
'I thought you said Emilio Estevez,' said Mick.
'You mean the eighties teen heart-throb of Young Guns fame?' said Larry.
'Yes,' said Mick.
'No, it's not 'im,' said Larry.
Larry and Mick started on their second pot of Lapsang Souchong. They were sitting in the 'Stained Mug,' a new teashop which had just opened where Poundland used to be, in keeping with Worcester City Council's newfound desire to instil a vibe of 'café culture' into the locality. They had been sitting there for the last 44 minutes. It was now 1538h. They had arrived and placed their first order six minutes before the designated meeting time of 1500h, because they had considered it rude to keep Ms Estefan waiting. As it happens, however, Ms Estefan hadn't turned up at 1500h, and they started to harbour niggling doubts that maybe - just maybe - she wouldn't turn up at all.
'Maybe she got caught up in traffic,' said Mick.
'Or maybe she got stopped by hordes of lunatic fans wanting her to sing Dr Beat one last time,' said Larry.
'Dr Beat?' said Mick.
'Or No Me Olvidaras,' said Larry.
Mick looked at Larry.
'From her early Miami Sound Machine days,' said Larry.
Mick nodded.
Larry and Mick supped tea.
'Or maybe...' said Mick, 'she has been unavoidably detained by a film-maker desperate to make a sequel of St Elmo's Fire.'
'You're thinking of Emilio Estevez again,' said Larry.
'Damn!' said Mick.
It was at that point that Gloria Estefan walked through the door of the 'Stained Mug' teashop. Larry and Mick had not actually, beyond their fantasies, expected this to happen. Hence they fainted.

* * *

Gloria Estefan wafted a song-sheet above the faces of Larry and Mick.
'Nnrg,' said Larry.
'Gmnf,' said Mick.
Then Larry opened his eyes, focused and...
'It's Gloria Estefan!' said he.
'Wha--?' said his pal.
They fainted (again).

* * *

'Jesus wept!' said Gloria Estefan (in a Cuban accent (which I'm not even going to attempt to write phonetically, so you'll just have to imagine)), as the two men lost consciousness again. 'Who are these idiots who just happened to be in this teashop when I popped in for a cuppa on the way to my gig at the town hall?'
'I don't know, Ms Estefan,' said a small, nervous-looking chap. 'But I think they were expecting you.'
'Expecting me?' said Gloria Estefan. 'But if they were expecting me, then why did they faint when I arrived?'
'I think they were expecting you, but... not... if you see what I mean...'
'No I don't, you stupid little man! Who are you, anyway?'
'I'm your--'
'You're sacked! You' - she pointed to a passing waiter - 'what's your name?'
'It's--'
'Never mind. Get me some tea! And don't expect me to pay for it - I'm a Latino pop superstar, who will triple your revenue just by being here!'
Larry and Mick started to regain consciousness.
'And for God's sake, get these two some more of whatever it is they were drinking!'

* * *

And so, in the end, Larry and Mick did indeed end up having tea with Gloria Estefan.
S'funny how things turn out, innit?

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