Aston and the Astro-travel Bureau

“It’s really quite simple,” asserted the helpdesk attendant. “Just place your travel card in the machine and press the start button, then enter your destination and then key in your star sign. You will then be given a print-out directing you to the applicable gateway.”

“I did that and the machine spat out a red card, which the gatekeeper rejected,” retorted Aston retrieving the card from his top pocket. “He advised me to see you and you would be able to sort it out.”

“So you are a Scorpio I take it?”

“Aries actually,”

“No Scorpio. Scorpions are always given blood red cards.”

“I assumed Aries was all shades of red, and blood red is still red…isn’t it?”

“All shades save blood red, it was agreed to at the last Combined Zodiac Integration Affairs meeting. I assume you did not attend.”

“I did not know of any such meeting.”

“It was announced on page 47 of last month’s special limited edition of Quasar Appreciation Committee Supplemental.”

“Which I don’t subscribe to,”

“I would think not. It’s only distributed to Scorpions who have achieved outstanding success in the field of Quasar research.”

“Small wonder I did not know about the change then. I thought there would at least be a sign on the machines warning about the blood red variations.”

“It’s included in the Astro Flight Terms and Conditions sign on twenty-first floor, sector 14, of the Troglodyte Housing Affairs department in Mars; though it is not generally open to the public except on unspecified occasions.”

“So what you are saying is that I am being discriminated against just because I am of a different star sign. That I am not worthy to travel with people of opposite stars signs. There must be a multi zodiac carrier that doesn’t give a toss about Astrology.”

The attendant mumbled somrthing under her breath, then tapped rapidly on her keyboard, stopped and studied the computer terminal.

“There is a number of Aries and Scorpion shared shuttles but only on weekends and are of a more romantic nature.”

Aston drew a disgruntled sigh. He knew this was going to be one of those tricky situations which would inevitably lead to another migraine with disastrous consequences. It was important he stayed focused.

“How would I go about exchanging the ticket?”

“That would be difficult. You’d have to talk to the exchange officer, in admin stall 45.”

“So?”

The assistant’s gaped; and seemed genuinely offended by Aston’s apathy.

“Stall forty five is administered by Virgos only” she chided “They are dead set against dealing with you domineering Aries. It just won’t work.”

“So in essence you are telling me this ticket is unusable and cannot be exchanged.”

“Unless you’re a Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, or a Capricorn; they all communicate well with Virgos.”

“I’m on the Cusp of Aries and Taurus, if that would help.”

“Cusp!”

She frowned again. Aston knew he had put his foot in it, but was not quite sure what the ‘it” was.

“The card has no Cusp Number, are you sure you entered the right birthdate?”

“I did not know it needed a Cusp Number.”

“There!” she grumbled pointing to the small print on the back of the card advising the purchaser to press the CSP button before pressing
print. “Why did you not press CSP?”

“The vender did not mention anything about it.”

“Hello? Printed clearly on the back,”

“So the only way to know about the CSP is to read the back of the ticket which you cannot get unless you press print, and by the time you read the message it is too late you have already bypassed the CSP.”

“Your Aries aggression is starting to show.”

“Well what did you expect? Look all I want is a ticket to get a shuttle back to Pluto before I die of old age.”

Best laid plans are sucked up and spat out by bureaucracy; he mused.

“There is an Astro-cargo ship due to leave here in about two hours from now which could perhaps drop you off, however you would have to have stop overs in Mercury and Venus.”

“And I could use my non CSP blood-red ticket to board?”

“No. You will need to obtain a non-commissioned Shuttle-cargo transfer from the vending machine on the twelfth floor.” she continued “You will also need a transit permit from a Virgo Officer for Mercury was well as another one from a Pisces Officer for Jupiter.”

“And how much will all that malarkey set me back?”
“Total would be three sixty five srats and fifty two stenalps.”

“The original trip was only going to cost ten strats.”

“Well you should have pressed CSP.”

“Thanks, you’ve been a really great help, made my life so much easier. If it’s all the same to you I think I might just flag it and try rent a craft instead.”

“Glad to be of service… though I must warn you to be careful with the rental companies.”

“Oh?”

“I hear they can be quite bureaucratic.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”