A Deafeat

A Defeat

P K Routray

As a teen ager

a defeat I accepted never.

With pride and ego of youth

try and fight I with nail and tooth

to win in any competition,

Priority was focused on my recognition.

During my technical education

which was of five years duration,

in one hostel stayed we all class mates together

sharing, caring  but fighting and quarreling bitter,

but the bondage of love with brotherhood departed never.

The best part of our life, we swear, we spent here.

Many memories of those days cherish I

but a memory from among them always vibrates in me.

A friend and batch mate, for a year my laboratory partner,

for a year a roommate and my regular companion for games indoor.

Play we for recreation,

many a ping pong matches of long duration.

Never could he defeat me

as with practice and determination which I managed to see.

Surrendering him to secure higher grades in the examination

the victories were giving me some sort of consolation.

Towards the concluding part of the final year

separate were we for months  to concentrate harder and better.

Met him I after a month long gap

saw him smile less under despondency-wrap

The vital final examination was knocking at the door

to make up lapses and for brighter career with better score

leisure, entertainment were ignored

but seeing him wandering, I got shocked.

Requested me he with all humility

to play some games for his recreation, solace and tranquility.

To have some pleasure over games and to get off the monotony

agreed I and gave him in the games my company

Played we to my hearts’ content

in the matches he defeated me as a rare incident

As the burden of course flashed before me

we stopped playing and next day on the board, him I promised to see

Ignored I the defeat at his hand because of lapse of my concentration

as I was sure to take revenge the next day without doubt and hesitation.

But Alas! Te next opportunity never came in my life span

committed he suicide in his single seated room hanging from the fan.

Incident had occurred forty five years back when I was a teen

all these years burn in me the desire to defeat him to win.

Hey my dear Samant! I yet could not fathom that evening your psychology.

For all these forty five years as I have been searching you to beg apology.

Would I have continued to play for the whole fateful night,

defeating me with ego and pride would have made your burden light.

Where are you now? only you can tell.

But waiting I have been for the game to in our second spell.

 

(N.B This is a true fact of my life my friend was my class mate)