Keep That Dog On a Leash!

My neighbour had a Pekinese
She doesn't anymore
'Cos I shot it with a crossbow
When it shit upon my floor
I told her not to let it out
I told her "fix that gate!"
But still she let it run around
And now it's met its fate.
It used to shit upon the road
When out on daily walks
And she used to clean it up again
With plastic bags and forks
But sometimes it would run away
To roam quite wild and free
And crap upon the nearest lawn
Which it had chanced to see
It used to really piss me off
To see upon my grass
A pile of steaming diarrhoea
From out that pooch's arse
So I went round to my neighbour
And I told her clear and plain
That her dog would be a dead one
If it fouled my lawn again
And she promised that she'd fix her gate
To keep her mutt penned in
But she didn't and the dog escaped
So now it's in my bin.
I'd left my front door open
To create a bit of breeze
And was sitting in my armchair
When that bloody Pekinese
Shot right through my hallway
Squirting messy trails of crap
Before squatting on my bathroom floor
And shitting on the mat.
I wasn't very happy
So I got my crossbow out
And loosed a lethal arrow
Up the smelly bitch's snout.
Then I picked it up, this dog kebab
And chucked it in the trash,
Made my neighbour clean the shit
Then went out on the lash.
So let that be a lesson
For you pensioners out there
If you own a little Pekinese
Just take some bloody care,
And if it tends to shit a lot
From out it's sticky end,
Then a sticky end will be it's lot
If you don't keep it penned.
Fix that gate and keep it locked
And teach it not to shite
Or I'll shoot it with my crossbow
And then that will be goodnight.