Bus Pass [and BPL] Go to Smuggler's Top [Deck]
By purplehaze
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BPL had a whole raft of reasons as to why she’d like to wring the former FM’s neck*. Wrecking Scotland, in BPL’s opinion, remained top of the list, but free bus passes to under 21s, to win votes (allegedly), was a close second. (Bus Pass had seen photos on the BBC news website, and was of the opinion the former FM didn’t appear to have a neck. However, BPL said they did, and “for anything but soap” **).
BPL had witnessed firsthand, how giving free bus passes to schoolchildren, without time restrictions, such as, unusable within school-day hours, had facilitated warm, exciting, top decks where children could plunk off school***. In particular, those children whose mothers sent them out without a winter coat. That was not really BPL’s business, still, Bus Pass had to agree, there was a particular timbre in the early-teens voice which is annoyingly akin to bagpipes being tuned up. Why were they not in school that early afternoon? Are unrestricted free bus passes a factor?
On a recent trip to Elgin, an under-21-year-old came up to the top deck, clutching a backpack for dear life. While BPL had to admit, she did judge that particular book by its scrappy, tattooed, dressed-all-in-black cover, she speculated that drugs could be being smuggled via top decks, the length and breadth of Scotland, gratis, enabled by such poorly thought-out policies. (Given the ‘perfumed’ air near Elgin bus station, BPL probably wasn’t wrong).
However, Bus Pass reminded BPL that she too could be a chancer, given the elderly assistant in 'Jo Malone' had recently rumbled that BPL ritually spritzed sample perfumes onto test-cards with no intention of buying anything. (BPL used these as scented bookmarks, and thought ‘English Oak and Hazelnut’ or ‘Cyprus and Grapevine’ worked particularly well for book scents).
*Scottish Expression: The expression to ‘wring someone’s neck’ means to be very angry at, or irritated by them.
**Scottish Expression: If someone ‘has a neck for anything but soap’, it means they are an absolute chancer, and that the person expressing this sentiment has rumbled said chancer.
***Scottish Expression: To ‘plunk off school’ means to play truant.
Disclaimer: This is a humorous (hopefully), opinion piece using commonly coined phrases which do not convey actual violence. This piece in no way constitutes any threat, real or incited, to any former first minister. Fortunately, the Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act 2021/24 does not include opinions regarding necks, or lack thereof.
Credit: Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act 2021;
“Freedom of speech
The Act does not pose a risk to freedom of speech. It does not prevent people expressing controversial, challenging or offensive views, nor does it seek to stifle criticism or rigorous debate in any way. The right to freedom of expression is specifically built into the Act.”
Phew!
Happy St Andrew’s Day
From Scotland the Brave.
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Comments
Oh English oak and hazelnut
Oh English oak and hazelnut sounds nice. I think I might have to try that one myself! (JM is very overpriced though)
I think most drug smugglers use their BMWs - you'd have to be a very bad one to have to resort to a bus trip, no?
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At least they are not setting
At least they are not setting themselves on fire. Have intervened here, as a boy experimented with if their coat was flammable, while waiting at bus stop. This Summer at the abandoned school in our road, there was lots of police/ambulance kerfuffle as a girl did actually set herself alight and got burned (others there called the ambulance, eventually). Like you, not sure free bus passes are the answer when your baggage must go with you- People come here on purpose for holidays or to retire because it is lovely, beaches, woods etc. Just the children are so utterly full of despair. Perhaps drug smuggling seems enterprising, a way out, compared with risking setting fire to yourself for kicks.
I love your getting scented book marks from free samples :0) That is so funny
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