Literally In The Dog House

I forgot my wife's birthday and I'm in trouble with my spouse.
I forgot to buy her a present and I'm literally in the dog house.
I'm having to share the dog house with my dog.
I can't get any sleep but Rover sleeps like a log.
The dog is the only one who is being fed.
If I don't get some food soon, I'll be dead.
Rover likes to bark, roll over and fetch sticks.
But when I try to share his food, he bites me in the dick.
My Mother-In-Law suggested that I be put in the dog house.
She's a shriveled up bimbo and she's also a scum sucking louse.
I get weaker and weaker from hunger as each day passes.
My wife and her mother make me want to kick their asses.
If you're a man, listen to my advice because it's true.
If your fiance is also a bitch, don't you dare say I do.