Is there a moral … ? (IP)

By Rhiannonw

Wed, 03 Jul 2013
  • 2440 reads
12 comments
 

A fable lazy lizard lived
in the valley of the Lugg;
too lazy to reach out to catch
a nice nuitritious bug.
He grew more weak,
less slick and sleek –
when danger was perceived
too feeble, lazy to retreat
to a refuge safe and snug;
so lost his tail (to no avail)
– still wouldn’t scoot away:
that lazy lizard chose to stay
and did not see another day,
for a watchful busy buzzard pounced
upon its idle prey.

Certificate U
Poem
Nature
Humour

Comments

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on
Nice one Rhiannon. I think we are giving lizards a bad name! Linda

Linda

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
Yes, I think Tony has started something here … ! Lazy lizard is a nice bit of alliteration for moralising! Thank you for your comment. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
This was so cleverly put together Rhiannon, with some great rhythm and rhyme. Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
Thank you, Jenny, glad you enjoyed it. It was a bit of fun playing round with, and incidentally made me look into reading up a bit more about lizards! I had him living by the river at first, and realised they tend more to walls/farms/heathland I think, so modified! and he was 'too lazy to stick out his tongue' to catch the insect at first, but as far as I could find out, it's chameleons who do that, and common lizards catch their prey in their jaws. But it was quite difficult to find out! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Frances Macaula... on
I also enjoy this but would suggest you move the last word 'pounced' down onto the last line. (Just a suggestion.) Thanks for your comments on my poems, Rhiannonw.

Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/search?q=FrancesMF

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
Thank you, Frances. Must mull that over – the other lines all finished with a heavy beat, and started with a light beat (or two!), and I had liked a startled 'pounced' at the end of the line with a pause before what he pounced on. But, it was done fairly quickly for fun, and, as I said, I will mull it over. Things read differently sometimes when you go back to them quite fresh after a little while, and you can realise some of the things that don't read smoothly to others! Thank you for taking the trouble to suggest this. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
A great one for the IP Rhiannon. I'm totally stuck, I must admit. I lived in Germany for a short while back in the seventies, and there were always a great many of lizards in my garden there, sunning themselves on the rocks;-) Very much enjoyed, and cleverly written. Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
Your actual knowledge of real lizards is probably greater and more accurate than mine then, Tina! Glad you enjoyed, and thank you for telling me. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi

 

Goodness, here I am with a blank slate for commenting on. That doesn't happen very often with your work. 

I really enjoyed reading this little fable about the lazy lizard and busy buzzard. It would be a nice one to use with young children - who would enjoy the rhythym of it and understand the moral.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I think I enjoyed playing around with the words and moral in this one, Jean! Thanks again, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

What a beginning! 

A fable lazy lizard lived
in the valley of the Lugg;

One of yours that has to be said :0) Just the sounds make me smile

Your previous comment shows me how much thought you put into your sounds, the soft beats and hard beats. I admire this talent so much, you use them like an artist does shapes and colours. I liked pounce where it was. It is strange how a word can have more power just from where it is!

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks again, Di, and for commenting on this fun one. I think the IP must have been about lizards!

Yes, I do enjoy sound rhythms and effects, and yes, I did like sticking to the 'pounced' where it was. Such things are individual, and individual to the poem type in a way probably. Rhiannon