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By Richard L. Provencher

Wed, 17 Oct 2012

801 reads

4 comments

there are detractors in
a plot
and hurtful words can turn
fertile soil

yet ducks will continue to
swimmingly pass
across the sky
in their parade
of anticipation

while below their natural flow
we whine in our delight
at life --
parking tickets
the price of food
a missed wife’s kiss
and I am eager for the fight.

Certificate U

Poem

POETRY - A Passage of Motion 3

Miscellaneous

Comments

stunning, that last stanza

Permalink Submitted by maggyvaneijk on Wed, 2012-10-17 13:16

stunning, that last stanza is spell-binding

So kind of you for your

Permalink Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on Wed, 2012-10-17 14:29

So kind of you for your comment, maggy... I replaced the first two sentences---do you think it makes the stanza stronger? Or keep the original? Richard

Richard L. Provencher

odd piec for you Richard, I

Permalink Submitted by maisie on Wed, 2012-10-17 13:36

odd piec for you Richard, I liked very much this.. "in their parade of anticipation..." and ..."we whine in our delight at life --" which hinted at the realness we live with... whilst the (to me) weaker elements of the poem defused some of it. the start was weak at first read... alhough on consideration the second "hurtful words can turn fertile soil.." is strong. One good enough to edit?

maisie Guess what? I'm still alive!

Hello Maisie---I thank you

Permalink Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on Wed, 2012-10-17 14:34

Hello Maisie---I thank you for your editing comments. I changed the first two lines---stronger or keep the original? Please advise, since I do solicit all ideas regarding my work. Lately, I have been experimenting with various subject material. Richard.