Tamashanta

TAM-O'McANDREW

You may like to know I've a black and white cat
Called Tam-o' McAndrew, who wanted a hat
That would give him some style - he is vain.
He stepped into the street and went to the store
He thought most of the hats there an absolute bore
But it wasn't polite to complain.

He donned a black busby and then a fedora
A stetson, a boater, a fez of angora,
A homburg, an elegant toque,
He fancied a hat from Ecu-adora
A fine panama that lent him an aura
But Tam-o' McAndrew was broke.

My arrogant cat tried on a black topper
An immaculate titfer fer ten and a copper
With a plume standing up at the side
He saw a glengarry, a bonnie wee bonnet,
A bowler, a stove pipe with starlings upon it
Who just went along for the ride.

Poor Tam-o' McAndrew his pride took a tumble
He hadn't the price of a hat - did he grumble?
No! It isn't a sin to be poor.
So what did he do? Well he went to a jumble
And though he confessed it was frightfully humble
He'd bought things at jumbles before.

He set off and came to the sale at a canter
There he found an eye-catching red wool tam-o'shanter,
Which suited him down to the ground
Tam started to haggle, and bargain and banter
He thought he'd look good in that red tam-o'shanter
So he offered the vendor a pound.

Tam offered one fifty, two slices of cake,
And a royal blue scooter with only one break,
Two peppermint creams and a bee.
`That's the very best offer I'm able to make'
But Tam-o' McAndrew had made a mistake
He had eaten the cake for his tea.

`Tam-o'shanters are rare and I can't stand your prattle
Rob Roy wore that hat when he rode into battle,
Its' worth every bit of five quid.'
Tam wanted that hat, yes, he really adored it,
But his pockets were empty he couldn't afford it,
And he wouldn't be raising his bid.

SO..........

With a ball of red wool loaned by Mrs McPuther
And knitting pins borrowed from Archibald's mother
Tam's knitting his own tam-o'shant.
Tam-o'shanters are round but his knitting is square,
A rectangular shanter! Well, Tam doesn't care,
It's his own,little, red tam-o'shant.
His very own, square tam-o'shant.