Journal: Hell

Readers, I have been through hell. I just had to drive home across a
mountain path. I didn't realize it would get dark so early but it did.
You see, I have no depth perception and I never intentionally make
night drives. The roads were terribly icy and cars kept on stacking up
behind me but I speeding up would have made me wreck. These people
tailed me with no consideration that I might have literally not had the
ability to go faster. Occasionally, I pulled over and let everybody by.
The drive entirely knocked the nonsense out of me. It took every fiber
of my concentration just to stay alive. I was constantly staring at the
road, evaluating the possible dips and curves. I kept thinking about
writing about the experience but pushing it out of my mind so I could
survive. I don't live to write. And it brought back memories of the
last time I drove across that pass at night, which was even worse. That
drive was through unplowed snow; it ended one of the highest points of
my life: the ephedra days. I was addicted to Ephedra but it was working
well. I was doing well at school; I was happy. I was eating well and
felt very motivated. That drive broke my spirits entirely. Right now, I
still seem to have some life left in me. I have a lot of school work to
do; I didn't need this. My Asperger's Syndrome kept me from knowing
that it would get dark at 4: 30. I was thinking more like six. My
parents should have warned me, just like they should have adapted early
on to my incompetencies. But it's not mostly their fault; it's the
fault of this world and this society. I just hate them all. The
suffering in my life has knocked the nonsense out of me. I focus on the
basics. When I have the luxury, I extend kindness to the rest of
humanity. I know what a hard world it is and to the extent that I can
without putting myself in danger, I try to make it easier on others.
But most of humanity is still on this of pettiness and vomitous evil.
They worship Pepsi, Twinkies and Chingy. But now I'm safely at my Mom's
and can forget the whole thing. I've had a beer and a decent meal. Now,
I'll get to happier pursuits and hopefully, I can get some school-work
done tommorow. All right, I'm going to hang out in the jacuzzi.