journal oct. 20, 06

Long time, no journal. I think it used to help me psychologically.
I basically feel unglued. For the past five days or so, I've been in terrible back and NECK pain. During the day, my working parents drop me off at the local university or sometimes the public library. Yeah, my body's in a lot of pain and my mind seems to be alternating between boredom, rage, and bleak depression.
I consider suicide but it's not something I want to do right now. My life still has too much possibility for beauty and value. But those possibilities aren't around me just now.
Lucretius said one should commit suicide when "his powers are exhausted." Well, that's a decent way of phrasing it. But my powers aren't exhausted. Over the past couple days, I wrote a kids' book I'm proud of: Zac's Trip to Planet Zamerica." And, hey, I still have value as a symbol of survival and growth.