The Carpet Man

 

I wanted carpet fitted,

To cover all that wood,

So I called the local carpet man

And I thought he’d understood.

 

He said with heavy accent.

“I fit you wall to wall”

“I am carpet man,” he said.

“I thanking you for call”.

 

I had to walk to work that day,

So I gave the man my keys,

And left him rolling carpet out

With kneepads on his knees.

 

When I returned to check his work

I had that sinking feeling.

He’d carpeted from wall to wall,

But also wall to ceiling!

 

He’d carpeted my TV

My side table and chairs.

He’d carpeted the kitchen top,

And all my kitchen wares.

 

He’d carpeted the bathtub.

That crazy carpet man.

He’d even gone and carpeted,

My bathroom ceiling fan.

 

He’d carpeted the patio,

But then he’d gone too far

That catastrophic carpet man

Had carpeted my car.

 

And there under the shag pile,

Appeared a moving mound.

My ginger cat? Well fancy that

He’s nowhere to be found.

 

I called the crazy carpet man

And a phone rang in my room.

I pushed the door aside to find,

The wall to ceiling gloom.

 

And there he was the carpet man,

Below my reading shelf.

Stuck underneath the underlay.

He’d carpeted himself!

 

©RS2014