A sincere thank-you to Magnus Carlsen and an acknowledgment of his contribution to the industry

Before Magnus Carlsen’s meteoric explosion onto the chess scene, he featured in countless adult movies now since removed from the platforms. Carlsen’s trademark was his buttocks. They were strong and came through in each shot, seeming somehow to gleam. He had not a single downy hair on the flesh, not on the small of the back, nor going down to just below the folds of the buttock where they meet at each leg. Also, whereas some buttocks seemed so often to be even too tight and muscular amongst the male stars of the day -- almost drawn -- Carlsen’s exhibited a pleasing excess of curvature. They protruded a little bit extra transversely, lending a vague awkwardness to the stance.  This sense of contrivance was what earned him his dues; this faint flicker of the off-kilter. Further, the buttocks possessed just the right balance of white and brown tan even though Carlsen had no better than the normal fairish complexion. 

Carlsen was favoured for many years for homosexual erotica part-way between straight hard-core and softer fayre. The directors usually asked him to undo trousers and pants, let them fall via normal gravity, and then to allow them to rest just above the ankles. The camera would usually be set up at an oblique angle, never directly behind or to the side of the buttock but askance, suggesting an impediment on behalf of the viewer to touching them before even introducing the penis for penetration. The buttock was treated as a sculpture from a fair distance. It was poor form to go close, let alone within touching range. This seemed to favour Carlsen and he thrived on the less than hands-on approach.

As far as the Scandinavian work ethic was concerned, Carlsen was formidable, managing to put in seven to eight hour days, standing in the desired posture without rest, without fatigue, without having to eat or ask for a glass of water. He had no trouble concentrating. We wish Mr. Carlsen well in his career as a chess-player and would like to thank him for his contribution to the art.