Standing Still

To my mother, the one person in the world I cannot live
without...

This letter may never reach your eyes. I wish I could gather the
strength to tell you everything but I have taken the easy way out in
fear of you hating me. I love you. You do know what I won't dare say to
you. I can't be my true self around you. I want to hug you. I want you
to tell me that you love me no matter what and mean it. I love you. You
might disown me. You might shrug and laugh. In my mind there are more
uncertainties than truths and for that reason I keep hidden. Someday
when I gather myself and decide to take flight you may read this. Then
I may not be your child. I love you. My life has been a struggle. A
struggle to exist as this person. You don't know Justin. I only wish
you did. You know the Justin I've created. My only wish is that you'd
love the real me. I have found no better way to put this then those
discriminatory remarks spouted from "general" society; I'm a "fag" a
"fruit"...I'm a "gay". You may be enthralled in anger or breaking down
into tears. I love you. I am myself and no one else. I have a face I
cannot show. I must remain the Justin I've created for now until this
finds your eyes. If the day you read this never comes: I love you. I
can only wonder if you need me like I need you. If not, this may be a
goodbye letter. If you read this with an open mind and welcoming arms:
you've made me the proudest I could ever be. I love you mom.

...I love you.