This To Those Out There Who Have Teenage Daughters!

A mother enters her daughter’s bedroom to see a letter lying on her bed with no sign of her 15 year old daughter. She of course fears the worst, she picks up the letter and opens it with trembling hands. ‘Dear Mum, it is with great regret and sorrow that I have to tell you that I have eloped with my new 24 year old boyfriend Ahmed. I’ve found my passion and he’s so nice with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorbike. But it’s not only that mum you see I’m pregnant but Ahmed says we’ll be very happy in the new squat that he’s found. It’s a bit wet and damp but I’m sure when the summer comes around it’ll warm up enough for the baby. He wants to have lots of babies with me and that’s one of my dreams too.

   He’s taught me that marijuana is non-addictive and will; be good to the foetus as it will keep it calm. He’s very good at growing it and will exchange the surplus for acid and cocaine for our weekend enjoyment. We are in the meantime praying for that science will come up with a cure for his Ahmed’s AIDS, he has his good days and bad days. He doesn’t have too many scabs or sores at the moment, which is a blessing. He does tend to keep picking at them, we’ve even had an argument about it. Don’t worry mum I’m 15 years old and you and I both know I can look after myself. I’m sure we’ll have lots of happy visits so you can hold your many Grandchildren, lets hope Ahmed doesn’t pass his AIDS onto me or them eh?

   OK I must close now, your loving daughter, Jilly.

Oh P.S. None of the above is true, I’m actually at Phoebe’s house over the road. I just wanted you to know that there are worse things in life than the school’s report card that’s in my desk draw. I love you mum+++++

P.P.S. Let me know when it’s safe to come home.