Almost a death, almost disaster

Dave and Lucy almost broke up yesterday and this was because of me. I say 'because of' but I mean 'over' I had little hand in the almost disaster but should have seen it coming.
It was because of flirting, ya know, that thing people do often amongst good friends a certain amount of flirting happens and certain amount of affection appears. Well around my friends, there’s lots of affection, we all care but all show the affection differently.

take Tara, she’s the mother of us all *smiles* I know that sounds bad but she is everyone looks to her for comfort and some of the best hugs around she does look after us so, and she’s still not the eldest. She shows forms of affection everywhere to her friends, she just is affection. All hail the sparkling love emanating from Tara.
Kelly has a weird sort of affection, in that he doesn’t talk about the removal of you genitals or eyes and that’s where his comes from.
Bex is more of the same sparkling stuff but less of a mother and more of a hyper happy friend
Dave had the rough love type, hugs occasionally but only 'cos we left for home for the summer and weren’t going to see each other for a month or two,
Lucy had niceness but little in the he way of contact past some hand waving style stuff.
And then there is I. I am a whore and all who know me know this, I don’t mean a slut or a slapper, I don’t sleep around and I don't try to steal people from their partners but I am a floozy, I hug, hit on and generally transmit love to all my close friends and all take this as something not serious, I don’t mean any of it I am not really trying to hit on my friends I just mean it as general love and affection. Slightly weirder I know but oh well, it’s me and my friends know it.
The whore is floozy-ness is toned down lot when imp with someone but I was recently made single and desperately missed my friends and people who made it feel like I was wanted somewhere. As a consequence I was hyper and throwing the love about. Its fun, I enjoy it and the positive reactions garnered give me the confidence and ego to function and continue. Finally the opportunity comes to spend time with the friends I love most.

A week long sleep over. Granted it makes us sound like children but were fairly distinctly not, being Uni students and all. We just act like it. Our youngest is Lucy I think, or Kelly. Either way they are 18 almost 19 so not young but not old yet either. The oldest of us was 21/2 can’t remember who it was though. 16 of us for a week, well it was 16 of us then it petered out till there were 8 then 5 then 4 of us.
It started on a Saturday when I arrived, soon to be followed by Lucy and Dave we arrived a t Tara’s house and then others began to arrive slowly of the Saturday and the Sunday. Monday Tues. and weds we were doing a show with our reenactment group for a primary school. For three days we gave them the 12century history and looked the parts and stuff. It was fun, but after school hours we were back at Tara's to spend the evening and sleep all over her floors. Instantly I was happy among friends and the whorishness arrived for flirting with and being affectionate with all. For the most part it was obvious stuff, compliments and actually hitting on people for the fun of it. It’s expected in our group form some of us. Me and another tag-teamed Tara for the length of time we were both there. That was fun, she was confused at first but then she took it as it was meant and went along with it. Mind you it was meant as in' you are damn attractive and worthy of our unending praise and attempts on your honor' damn she slaps good *grins* it’s always worth it. Most got a good rounded hitting on, Tara bearing the brunt of it from me and t'other. Even Lucy got an amount of flirting from me and this was new. I had never even crossed that line with Lucy, nor Dave, ‘cos they both scared me a little despite not needing to be scared by them in anyway. so I flirted with Lucy and Dave, hitting on the both of them but more on Lucy, ‘cos no offence to Dave she is more attractive. I don’t think I like Dave's facial hair and he is a tad short for my tastes in men. Lucy however is all there, smack in the middle of my tastes in women and the personality and voice to match it all. The flirting wasn’t so obvious with Lucy, I didn’t make it outrageous and obvious and neither did she. This is I suppose because I actually like her, have for a long time I've just never had any designs on her. Every one of my friends would know this if it was pointed out; I dote on Lucy since I first joined our Uni society I doted on her and am always aiming for her happiness. I revel in it when she talks to me. It’s terribly sad but it’s true. Biggest difference from her and the girls I have actually gone out with is that I want Lucy's happiness to be her own happiness. I want to be around to ensure it but her happiness lies with Dave, she is after all head over heels with him and would never fuck him around or cheat on him with anyone, and least of all with me. Seeing what happened when it was perceived she might I could never let it happen, she was so wrecked by it.
With Lucy this week, she asked for hugs, something only I had done from her and rarely at that. There was more contact, more talking more smiles around me. I mean smiles directed at me, not only smiling around me, she was smiling around everyone. There was sitting next to each other, there was legs pressed against each other, and to my foolishness, she held my hand. A weird thing to say I know, but she had barely even touched me before so to sit next to me, closer than necessary and to hold my hand when I put it out for her. That was my foolishness, I was encouraging it and making it too easy for it to happen. It was proper flirting, they type that makes you feel guilty without having done anything wrong. It was quiet and few noticed. Except of course Dave. At the station, where we were seeing a friend off Tara me and Lucy were waiting there to see the train leave and wave, it was cold. We were soaked from the torrential rain and freezing from the wind that always whistles through train station platforms. I put my arms around her to keep her warm and I cuddled her into me, I was cold to and I had not intentions, let me make this clear. I wanted to keep her warm and that .is. All. So she stood closer, it made sense. We’re close friends with nothing between us so I hugged her to keep her warm and stroked her back. I would do a lot of things for contact with Lucy but nothing to cause her problems in her relationship and nothing to give her or Dave reason to dislike me or stay away. So when she kissed my neck I was surprised. Happy, because it mean that she was comfortable and that we were close enough. But she put too much pressure into it. either way she was warmer and that was god and all I needed or wanted add to this the lingering contact after a hug, and the regular demand for hugs well, to me it was more and maybe to her it was but we still weren’t doing anything wrong. To me emotional attachment has always been far more cheating that physical. Holding hands has always meant little to me and kissing on cheeks meant no more. Maybe that was said wrong, it means something, but it doesn't mean an intent to cheat or in-fact anything more than close friends. So why is the Lucy thing so weird? Well she had no intention of cheating or ever doing anything but there’s an element to contact with someone who will do anything for you that makes greater comfort that that which you can get all days. Still she didn’t intend anything and is not so attached to me like I am to her, that she ever would.
when they went to bed that night, Lucy and Dave, (since they were sharing Tara’s room upstairs ‘cos they are a couple and Tara was sleeping down stairs with the plebs( the pair of them also being the leaders f our society)) when they went to bed, and earlier then the rest of us, but then they had the freedom to do so, Lucy came down so unhappy later that night and Dave had gone up unhappy. Lucy was looking shocked when she came down stairs she was not happy she was utterly ruined and looking listless and lifeless she wouldn’t sit in the same room as me and she wouldn’t look at me either. It shows how much I know was happening that I spent the night in a fitful sleep, barely dreaming, with something feeling like a longwinded heart attack and the worst knot of nerves I had yet experienced. I also had a kinda weird image of Lucy and Tara sleeping in the other room. Since most had gone home by this time. The image was weird, since Lucy and Dave slept together in the room upstairs, not separate. I had the worst feeling that all had gone wrong and I was so sure it was over or because of me. I was so worried that Lucy would be unhappy. I still wouldn’t have stolen her from Dave, even if he had dumped her.
Next day, when we were both alone, Kelly told me. 'Yea so, um, were not sure yet (him and Tara) but we think Dave and Lucy have split up, or are almost split up and it’s over you' shit thought I, crap and damnation is all I could think. Kelly explains how, 'basically Dave thought Laura was flirting, we all know you were flirting with everyone blue apparently Lucy was flirting back' well she was but not like that, not because she wanted to leave him or screw him around. They were all flirting back! Lucy had just decided to be relaxed enough to do it too. Or am I just defending her because it’s her and her honor. It’s not like mine is important, nothing ever sticks on me even if I try to convince people I’m the bad person.
No one else actually understands anyway, they are all so naive in some ways. Dave has been screwed around and knows about that but he’s never screwed around and never done silly things that meant nothing but seemed so much. The quiet flirting the affection that’s so different to what we all expect. You don’t have to be wanting to leave someone or desire to screw around of mess them up. And as such it would never happen but affection where you don’t normally get it means so much more. And I just wanted her happy, and others have just wanted me happy. Its not fooling, its just contact. I don’t know that anyone who hasn’t done the same thing will actually understand it. It’s not logical, its emotion, its human.
Suffice to say, they made up and are still together and affectionate in their usual way.
But I wanted to leave the room, to cry or scream or to shut it out when they were affectionate. When I first saw the affection again I cried in my corner. I couldn’t stay in the room with Her. it only occurred to be that day that I do in-fact Love Lucy but am never going to have her nor even try to have her for my own. Never. I know what made me want to leave when she was just in the room, now I had to keep back. I would never do anything and neither would she but the strange seeds of uncertainty are now in Dave’s mind. I wanted out of the room to make it easier. Dave was still less easy with both me and Lucy in a room, but Lucy had relaxed again. she was happy again and had done nothing wrong and will never see herself as having done something wrong and so by the day after she was not as affectionate but back to her level before the sleepover and content again because she is with Dave, the man she loves and adores and will never leave nor screw over. Joy.

so many times I wanted to whisper in Dave’s ear, ' she will never screw around on you, and she Ain't never gonna do so with me' but I never did because it was out of my place to do so. I still want to, I want to put in him the confidence that she will never mess him around or mess him up because she loves him, but I don’t think I’m the right person to try and make that right again.
she shall see. I hope they last forever, I honestly truly do.