The Woman in the Bathroom

"Dad, there's a strange woman pissing in the bathroom."

"Is that so?"

"I think so. She might be taking a dump, I didn't ask. The point is she didn't lock the door, I walked straight in on her."

"That's Angela. The new special someone in my life. I  was going to introduce you later."

"We've met now. We spoke. I said 'You didn't lock the door', she said 'I don't do locks, next time please knock'. You're smiling. Why are you smiling, do your teeth hurt?"

"'Next time'. She said next time. That's a good sign don't you think."

"So who is she? Did she just turn up in our bathroom vowing to return, like the Terminator?"

"We've dated a few times. This was the first time, you know, she came back."

"I know. I heard you at it all night. It was like a construction site."

Silence.

"I think it must be a dump, she's taking forever. I'm going to be late for school at this rate."

"Ange'll give you a lift. She's not working 'til the afternoon."

"Oh great. That won't be an uncomfortable drive at all. 'Hi, I'm Angela'. 'Hi, I'm Pete. Actually we've met, I watched you shitting earlier, and I was listening to you fucking my dad last night'."

"You'll have to meet her eventually."

"I know, it's just sharing a car with her immediately after meeting. What are we supposed to talk about?"

"You'll get used to it. You're living in a world where people shit, people piss and people fuck, you can't avoid it. Everyone pisses, everyone shits, everyone fucks."

"The Pope doesn't fuck."

"He goes to the toilet though. So next time you meet the Pope don't tell him you've watched him taking a dump."

The two men were unaware that while they were talking the door had silently opened.

"Oh, hi honey. I thought you'd want to know that the toilet's free."

"Angela, this is Pete. Pete, Angela."

"Hi sweetie. Nice to meet you properly."

"Hi. I gotta go, I'm bursting."

"Nice kid. We'll have to teach him to knock though, he burst right in on me. Has he really met the Pope?"