Immigrant's Christmas

The night before Chreesmas, on Thorsday I theenk,
I go to cantina to geet me a dreenk.
I dreenk saam tequila, I dreenk eet too fast,
Preety damn queek, I fall on my ass.

I peek myself up and go home to bed,
I pool the cobija up ober my head.
Early next morning, or late een the night,
I heer such damn recket, I theenk eet's a fight.

I geet outta bed, I don feel very well,
My head ees too beeg, eet hort me like hell.
I go to the weendow, I don believe what I see,
A pot-bellied greengo, as plain as can be.

I look at heez ropa, ees all colored red,
He got heem some chivos tied on to a sled.
I yell and I holler, "Hey, move you fat ass,
Your chivos--they chitten all ofer my grass!"

He torn to heez goats, he say just one word,
And them damn chivos chomp in the air like a bord.
They corcle around, and then queek as a mouse,
He land that damn sled right on top of my house.

They chaking their horns and stomping hees hoof,
I theenk they damn chore play hell with my roof.
I heer theze ole man chout loud and clear,
"What the hell, Rodriquez, ain't no cheemney up here...

No door, no weendow, nothing but air,
How I gon geev you theze goverment welfare?"
Then right away theze Rodriquez see---
He gon get heemself something for free.

So he says to the greengo, "Please come een senior,
Do come on down and use the front door."
So, he come een the house, and upon heez broad back,
He is carry one hell of beeg gony sack.
He puut theze beeg sack down on the floor,
And start pooling out the comida galore.

He pool out tortillas, tamales and ham,
He pool out a cheekin and haff of a lamb.
He pool out cerveza and a bottle of wine,
I cannot believe that theze eez all mine!

I'm theenking, "Rodriquez, you locky by heck,
Theze chore as hell beats unemployment sheck."
So he chakes out heez boles and dreenk some of my wine,
And cosses hees chivos to get them een line.

He cosses and hollers, he knows every one,
"Chingow, Mida, Cabron, Yo, Son of a gon."
That ole man he know how to puut on a chow,
Trying to make them damn chivos get up and go.

At last he geet them to chom een the sky,
And the last time I see heem, he preety damn high.
He going away and the last theeng I heeer,
'IF YOU VOTE FOR THE DEMOCRATS, I BE BACK NEXT YEAR!"