Real Men

Because I am a man.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road
service until long after hypothermia has set in.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink
beer.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as
sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for
which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator).
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Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a
complete stranger. I mean, how the hell could he know where we're
going?
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her
any more than I have to. Whatever you get her for Mother's Day is okay,
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2002, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the dishes, and take care of
the children. I'll do the rest.

~ This has been ~
A public service message for Women, to better understand the
Male.

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