Alien Murmuration - A Masking Story - Chapter 8

I am not sure when it started, or how. They are all laughing. Piercing my brain with their high pitch screeching and screaming. Out of the corner of my eye I can see them looking over at me. I whisper a prayer that it will be over soon, If I can get out of this one unscathed I’ll be okay.

They get closer.

Bitter, acidic perfume filling my nostrils and further clouding my brain. My thoughts are disrupted and disordered as the smell and laughter mix with the general classroom white noise and drag me insistently towards a meltdown. Everything is crowded around me.

Look straight ahead.

I try to breathe.

I don’t understand any of this situation, I have never understood what they get out of it. Enjoyment obviously. I can see that from the way Kim is screeching with laughter, her face contorted. She is so close to my ear that I can feel her warm breath following the cold icicles of her laughter deep into my brain. They start asking me questions, they seem innocent enough, but I remember that look on their faces. I try to answer as best I can, but we all know where this is heading. Dad says I am best to ignore them. If I don’t give them what they want, they will move onto their next victim. I have tried that before though and if I ignore them, they start prodding me with their spiteful bony fingers. At least this way I have one less sensation to deal with.

Now they are asking me questions about sex. I don’t know what they are talking about or what to say. I want to run. I used to run all the time. I don’t so much anymore because I know where it always ends up.  Mr. Brattan the headmaster’s office, trying to explain my alien ways to someone who doesn’t even seem to realise there are different planets.

Questions are being fired at me. The previous has hardly finished when the next one is starting. I can feel myself losing control and I need to pull it back. The opening guitar riff from This Charming Man runs through my brain giving me something to hold on to. A lifeline to pull me back so to speak. I feel myself calm a little as I see the notes playing in turn. My eyes close a little.

“Aw he is singing” Kim screams sarcastically. I am not always good at picking sarcasm up but when it is as blatant as this it isn’t that hard anymore.

“So what are you singing Alien? Is it an alien song?”

“This Charming Man, The Smiths” I blurt out quickly.

The laughter erupts. Invading my brain. I don’t understand why they are laughing. What is so funny?

The noise and the smell are all too much. I can see the door through the haze of sound and smell. Guitar still playing in my head.

Next thing I know I am running through the door. I hit my hip on something and the pain spins me sideways. I can see people, I know they will be looking at me but I am grateful that they leave me alone. I run down the stairs to the bottom and turn sharp to find the place where they store old tables and stuff. I find the gap and curl up into a ball out of sight.

Breathe.

Still singing.

Breathe.

 

Breathe.

 

Breathe.

 

“What is that?”

I open my eyes and see Manny sitting cross-legged next to my hidey hole. He smiles kindly.

“Alien,” he says gently. His voice is more soothing than I have ever remembered. I hold back the tears as I feel my emotions start to swell in my gut again.

“Man, I saw you run out of Maths: What happened?”

More questions. More confusion. Is he with them? With the girls? No he can’t be, he isn’t in my maths class.

“Take your time, man” he smiles. “you don’t need to tell me”

After another awkward pause, Manny starts to sing the guitar intro of This Charming Man. He misses quite a few notes but it sounds good anyway.

He starts to sing the first verse, still getting bits wrong.

I am pretty much whispering but I still join in. Manny starts to drum on his knees.

We both sing.

My thoughts slow down somehow I can see them now. As we sing I start to get control back. Maybe I will always be an alien. My voice gets stronger and I can feel the sound rushing through the back of my throat. Manny’s singing is shielding me and letting me build my confidence. I feel myself building strength and volume. I notice when Manny slightly misses the notes and make sure I hit them cleanly. Cleaner, stronger, louder. I am singing. Singing in front of someone else. At school.

Manny now has confidence in my singing and switches to singing the guitar part while still drumming on his knees and thighs. This sounds amazing. I think anyway. One thing is for sure it feels amazing.

Suddenly I realise that people have moved into the stairway and are standing watching. Manny is acknowledging them and smiling as we perform. I close my eyes and try my best to concentrate on hitting the notes and stopping my voice wavering and dropping. He looks at me encouragingly.

I fade out the vocals and Manny continues with a bass and guitar mash while keeping the beat surprisingly well on his knees.

People are . . .  clapping and applauding us.

Manny stands and high fives a few people and hugs some others. He smiles his thanks to everyone and I sit looking up and wonder how he can be so at ease with all those people. This must be his  superpower. Soon, with Manny’s gentle persuasion, the small crowd disperses and he turns back to me.

“That was brilliant man” he smiles enthusiastically “You can proper sing Alien. I mean proper!”

He sits back down and enthusiastically leans over to hug me. I flinch and pull away from him and shake my head.

“What man? You don’t like being hugged? What is with that?”

“Erm…..” I start to stammer a little and feel like I have clicked back into Alien again. Now we have stopped singing I feel alien again “Yeah, I mean… No, I don’t like to be hugged. I say looking down. I know that it is weird it’s just that…. I don’t know it’s complicated”.

“Complicated like what happened in Maths?” he smiles at me.

Is he laughing? I don’t think he is. Maybe he is asking me a question? I slowly start to explain and study his face to see if this is right. I haven’t really looked at him before but something in his face seems kinder now. In the hall the other day he was harder like there was no depth to him… or he didn’t want people to see it.

I explain what happened in Maths and he nods along with me like he understands. I struggle to believe that this has ever happened to him.

“What you need is ‘back up’ Alien!” He says abruptly. His face twists a little and he says “Do you mind if I call you Alien?”

“Yeah, I kind of like it now,” I say trying to raise a little smile.

“Yeah cool” he continues “So you need some mates. Let me have a word with Liz and that lot. I’ll explain that you are my mate and you’re alright. That should be enough for them to leave you alone and pick on someone else. Kate and Stacey will certainly leave you be. They’re alright . . . you know”

“Yeah, I was surprised at them being involved. They are okay”

“So mates, yeah?” he smiles and offers me a hand to shake. I flinch again and he smiles kindly. “No handshake?” he laughs “how about a fist bump?”

He offers me a fist to bump and I reciprocate. I have never done it before but aside from missing the middle, it goes okay.

 

"Come round mine tonight and bring your guitar" Manny smiles again