A Visit To Labalan (Culture Fiction)

Zoboj Aunty Theba,
I am writing to you, fortunately, from my hotel in Basnitchka, a western province of our neighbouring Labalan where I am taking my summer vacation with my Sister Laruba.
You may wonder why I say fortunately, Aunty. Well thats because I could have been writing to you from inside Marob prison, having had a little run in with the police here.
But I will tell you of that a little later.
First let me tell you all the other sights we have seen during the seven days we have so far spent in the land of the Amaranth eaters.
Firstly we went to the nearby city of Vilova to see some of the ruins of the ancient Labalan peoples, who as you probably know, in those ancient days, ruled over Labalans neighbouring countries, including our own Riparia.
Let me tell you Aunty, the Labalanese were remarkable builders and artisans. Some of those ancient buildings are just beautiful although I don't think you would have approved of all the naked statues. They have very different views on those things in Labalan.
But then we went to see some of the modern city.
We saw the great clock of King Monmurk the seventh that was designed by the famous Labalan inventor Siestran Zimbalis who you probably know was also the first to harness the power of the giant electric octopus.
Then we went to the city Aquarium and saw the worlds largest electric octopus, named Rashra (after the Labalanese lightning god) which, we were told, could kill even a giant blue flying shark with its enormous electrified tentacles wrapped round it.
We also went to the museum of modern art and saw an exhibition by painters of the Depressionist school of art like the famous Labalanese painter Zant Zurant who, as you probably know got so depressed by his own paintings that he drowned himself in blue paint. We saw his famous painting 'Lucida leaping from a tower' but we got so depressed after that that we had to leave the museum.
Then we walked along King Crazants bridge that over looks the River Vargo and saw the famous river carnival in honour the Prophet Mazarim with its brightly decorated boats  that go under the bridge. (Apparently theres a night procession with all the boats lit up by lanterns aswell that we intend to see next week).
Then we went to a restaurant that served local food and I had one of their four grain dishes (that means Amaranth, Bulgar wheat, Semolina and Quinoa all mixed together) with some  Kerbala (A mixed meat stew similar to our own Lamb Mizbah except that the meat is smoked and flavoured with fruit aswell as spices) while Laruba had a Moonfish salad which is apparently considered quite a delicacy here.
Oh and that was only on the first day of our vacation.
But now let me tell you about the incident I mentioned earlier, where I was nearly arrested by the police.
You see I had no idea of just how strange the laws and customs of our neighbours to the west are and one thing they do not permit in Labalan is the wearing of neckties.
Apparently, you see, the criminals of Vilova used to have a way of strangling people with their neckties and to stop this nefarious practice, a king named King Usherba the peace giver banned the wearing of neckties within his country.
If only some kind local had thought to tell me I might have left my red (also considered a very unlucky colour in this country) satin necktie in my hotel room but I had been walking around in it all day when, finally, while I was sitting in the restaurant eating my Kerbala a couple of policemen wearing those strange brass helmets came into the restaurant and started to arrest me.
Can you believe it, Aunty Theba? Just for wearing a necktie.
Fortunately, my sister knew a little Labalanese she had learned in school and explained to the policeman that we were foreigners to their country.
"Pri nian afron dar - ta", she said which means, I think, "We, from a different kingdom, come".
And once they understood that we were not part of some criminal fratenity of necktie stranglers but merely ignorant tourists, they let us go with a caution.
But one thing it has taught me, Aunty Theba, is that one should never enter a country without knowing its customs or you might end up writing your letters from a prison cell.
Svazida, Aunty with love from me and Laruba.
Your nephew,
Mahammus