Butterflies and black holes

For instance what would you say was the most significant thing
that's happened since time began?
Well for me it was the birth of the universe. It's just that in my
opinion that was pretty damn important. And what did the scientists in
all their wisdom name this beginning of everything? That's it. The Big
Bang. The Big bloody Bang. I mean, excuse me, but surely they could
have come up with something a little more poetic But no, they name the
birth of creation The Big Bang. Of course I know it was indeed a big
bang, but could they have not have thought of something a little more
exotic? It was the birth of the universe, after all. Surely they could
have thought of something a little more adventurous. Not The Big Bang
for Pete's sake. For me The Big Bang was the night I was conceived, not
the beginning of the Universe.

I met her in a supermarket, actually. Original or what. We bumped
trolley's. Looked up at each other. Just like you see in some terrible
T. V. movie. She had shoulder length blonde hair. These piercing blue
eyes. This lovely smile. Wow, I thought and I felt this bang. This big
beautiful bang somewhere in the vicinity of where my heart usually is.
Bang! That was it. We started chatting, I plucked up the courage to ask
her out for a drink and before you know it we were planning our future
together.

At least the Bible does a little better. No mention of a big bang
there. No, the way the Bible puts it, first there was light, and so
forth. God spat out the seas etc. There's Adam's rib and who can forget
the apple scene in the wonderful Garden of Eden setting. O.K.
technically it may not be a hundred percent accurate (if the Bible was
a T. V. movie they'd say 'Based on a true story')but at least a little
imagination was used.

You see, she was wonderful. Just perfect. Well maybe perfect is not the
right word. Most times I find we fall in love with a persons
imperfections as much as anything else. I mean who could fall in love
with someone who's completely perfect ? Nah, what I mean is she was far
from perfect but her imperfections were her beauty and her beauty was
her character and in that sense, she was perfect. I just loved
everything about her.

And of course it's not only the start of the universe they gave a crap
name to, I mean what do they call the end of the universe? This
momentous event which will mark the end of everything? That's it. 'The
Big Crunch'. The Big Crunch, they'll be saying in classrooms till the
end of time, no it's not an ad for a new chocolate bar, it's the end of
the universe.

So started the happiest time of my life. Her name was Amanda.
Everything just seemed to fit together all of a sudden. It was
wonderful. The times we spent together. The only downside was the time
we had to spend apart. You see as part of her job Amanda had to travel
abroad a lot. She worked for this book publishers, She was always
travelling from country to country trying to sign up these different
authors. It was just one of those things. Of course when she was out
the country we would constantly phone each other, send e-mails to each
other any chance we could. In a way though, it wasn't that much of a
problem her travelling abroad now and then. It just made us appreciate
the time we had together even more. Because for me, before Amanda, love
was something I read about in a book or seen on television. It was just
an idea or a reality which happened to other people. But now I knew
just how wonderful it felt to love someone and to be loved in
return.

I mean these scientists in recent times just don't seem to make the
effort when it comes to naming things. I think they did quite well in
centuries before, though. The first few planets in our own Solar
system, were given okay names, in my view. Mercury Venus Jupiter,
Saturn etc. not bad, not bad at all, but what have we got once we come
to nineteen thirty and the discovery of another new planet. What do
they call this great new discovery? Pluto. That's right. They name this
planet after a cartoon dog. Pluto, I ask you! Do you know what I mean?
It's just plain laziness. And as for Uranus, don't start me on Ur-anus,
I really don't want to go there.

It was one of those times when Amanda was out the country again. She
had to get the signature of this young promising American writer. So as
usual when she was away, I just buried myself in work at the office. It
was Tuesday. I was on my lunch break. Walking around for my daily dose
of fresh air and an opportunity to grab something to eat. As always
while walking round the city streets I was thinking about Amanda.
Wondering how she was doing, etc. Then across the road I noticed this
crowd watching a television in the shop window of an electrical store.
Curious and with time to waste I wandered over to see what the big deal
was.
A building was on fire. A skyscraper. Smoke billowing out. I asked the
guy next to me what the score was. 'America'. He explained. New York. A
plane has crashed into the U.N. building. I slowly nodded. Amanda was
in New York. My heart skipped a beat. Still I thought quickly, the
chances of Amanda being there.......at that particular moment, I mean
no chance, at least pretty remote, eh? In any case I figured out it was
only around nine in the morning, New York time. She was probably still
at her hotel. Having breakfast. Opening up one of these jam sachets.
Spreading it on her toast. There's no way I thought, just no way she
would be in that building.

I'm telling you, in recent years scientists just haven't took the time
to name things properly. Particularly in this century. Like what's been
one of the most important discoveries in astronomy of the last few
decades? Well in my view it was the discovery of a curious phenomenon
where matter is so dense, gravity so strong, nothing, not even light
can escape, a heavenly body which may even be a gateway to other parts,
perhaps other dimensions in the known and unknown universe. And what do
the scientists call this great discovery? A black hole. That's right,
you heard correct, a black hole. Because it's quite dark you know. And
it's like er, a hole. So let's not think about it, let's just call it a
black hole. Brilliant.

Yeah I thought, no need to panic, maybe like me she's watching it on
television. From a safe distance. I realised I had left my mobile in
the office, she was probably trying to phone, then on the large
television screen this dark spot comes from the right and smashes into
the second building. An enormous orange and black fireball rose into
the air. An old woman in front of me standing with her shopping put her
hand to her mouth. Another woman behind me swore, someone said 'Did ye
see that'!, someone said 'Another plane' Another plane? Another plane
doesn't make any sense. I thought. I mean what's the chances of that
happening? Two planes crashing at the same time into adjacent
buildings? Someone said terrorist attack.

And what about all these other theories doing the rounds. String
theory. Even the theory of relativity. Or Chaos theory. Take Chaos
Theory for instance, I mean what's all that about? There's me trying to
be a good little boy, going to work, paying the rent, putting the
rubbish out on the right day and all the time I find out that my whole
life can be thrown into chaos by a little butterfly flapping it's wings
in the South Pacific! I mean excuse me, but I haven't even met this
butterfly. We were never introduced. So who gave this butterfly any
right in deciding how my life should turn out? I mean say this
butterfly gets out the wrong side of his butterfly bed one morning and
says 'Right some guy on the other side of the world is going to have a
hell of a day. I mean maybe he's got a butterfly hangover or he's
having a butterfly breakdown or whatever and I get the brunt of
it?
So I'm trying my damndest to make my life resemble an epilogue on
Charlie's Angels and this sadistic little insect decides to flap it's
wings and make my life hell. Because my whole existance can be thrown
into chaos by the beat of a butterflies wings, they say. It's plain not
fair. Even if it is poetic

So I decided to stay and watch the ongoing drama on the television
screen. But they kept repeating the same scene. The second plane
smashing into the second building. The crowd had grown considerably, it
seemed the whole street was trying to watch that television. You know I
hate crowds but as I turn to head back to the office I watch one of the
skyscrapers, I mean a whole damn building collapse, it transforms into
this huge column of thick grey smoke and dust. Bits of paper, steel,
falling. I mean I know for sure Amanda isn't there. But I feel my head
spinning. I started to walk slowly back to the office, pushing my way
through the crowd. I found myself walking faster. Amanda's in her comfy
hotel bed, I thought, having breakfast. She would be fine. Stop
worrying. I ran as fast as I could back to the office. Arriving back at
my desk, I checked my phone. No messages. I phoned her mobile. No
answer. See, her office was directly where the second plane hit. She
probably died instantly.

I know I keep going on about it but I really think scientists should be
a little more considerate when they name stuff. I really do. I mean
these things can be important. You know, I still think she'll turn up
one day. I mean names last forever. Amanda. Her body has never been
found, see I just think in my view there should more pzaazzz in
science, more poetry, more fun. As Marilyn Monroe may have put it 'Give
me more of Einstein's Tongue' I keep thinking she'll just walk in the
door. Maybe if I could see her dead. . . I'd truly believe it. That she
no longer exists. I spend my days trying to understand things now.
Reading books. I find there's knowledge to be found in all kinds of
writing. Novels. Short stories. Poetry. Recently I've been reading
these science books. You know there's this theory where they say a beat
of a butterflies wings can completely affect or change your life. Chaos
theory they call it. A pretty apt name if you ask me. You see, it's
just I have to understand. Accept. Why things happen. The way they do.
Why Amanda died the way she did. Maybe it was because of a butterfly.
The funny thing is, it's as logical reason as any other I've found. A
butterfly flaps it wings and a plane is flown into a skyscraper. A
butterfly flaps it's wings and Amanda dies. But I was thinking recently
maybe it was that same butterfly who caused Amanda and me to meet in
the first place. So maybe it isn't all bad. Maybe I'm beginning to see
some light again. Maybe good things can happen in life too. It's just
random. Butterflies and black holes. So now when I lie down to sleep at
night I think of that little butterfly somewhere in the Pacific and I
think that maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be a better day.