I Tell Him That I Love Him

He looks everywhere but at my eyes

Eventually he says 

That’s nice  

There’s a silence where I wait for him to elaborate 

Even the ‘care a lot about you’ speech I’ve heard from other lovers 

Regret fills my body like morphine seeping into every vein until all I can manage is a sad smile

He’s rubbing his hands together as if trying to conjure a genie from a tiny invisible lamp

Take me with you 

Let’s escape together 

At least it’s not Monday 

My knees are trembling - an unconscious stim

I didn’t need to tell him; I just couldn’t keep it in

I say 

So there’s that 

He says 

Thanks for telling me 

Fuck

I’m crying like a lunatic  

How can I explain?

My heart is still in pieces 

And I just can’t break again