Trying

            “So…would you consider yourself trying in this relationship?” she asked. She wasn’t afraid of the answer she thought she was going to get.

            “To be honest with you, I’m trying not to break up with you.” he replied with ease. Her face dropped. That was not the answer she thought she was going to get. Her eyes quickly began to fill with tears. He saw this happen and threw in at the last second,    “Hey, look at me.” She looked up to see the face of the boy that she was in love with, and had been in love with for the past year and a half.        

            “I love you so much.” he added. She doubted, but she believed him. Silence hung between them briefly as she looked away to ponder. He simply continued on as if this were a normal conversation and asked her how her day was. Seeing an opportunity for distraction from the heart wrenching pain he had just caused her, she shifted into the normal conversation that he demanded. They began talking like normal, and her mind was at ease for the moment.

#

 She hung up the Skype call and rolled off her bed. The end of the call had made her feel much more secure in her relationship than the beginning. They were back to their normal selves, laughing and talking, as if he hadn’t said anything hurtful. She continued to think about the end of that conversation as she disrobed and jumped in the shower. She let the warm water trickle over her body as their conversation trickled through her mind. The pain he had caused her was briefly stunted in the familiarity of casual conversation. But no matter how hard she tried to forget, her mind wandered back to his simple statement: I’m trying not to break up with you. Her short shower turned into a long one. She eventually turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself. Examining herself in the mirror she wondered what was so horrible about her that the guy who supposedly loved her would say such a thing.  She wrestled with it in her head as she got dressed, and ended up calling her girlfriend to talk about it.

            “He said he knows that a relationship takes hard work, and he agreed when I then said that a long distance relationship takes even more hard work,” she explained.

            “Uh huh.”

            “Even though the conversation ended on a good note and we were able to be ourselves and laugh like normal, I still feel like I am trying way harder than he is and that he doesn’t really care.” she blatantly omitted the hurtful thing he had said to her, making him sound better than he was.

            “Well I can’t tell you if you need to break up with your boyfriend or not, only you can decide that. But it sounds like you guys are in a healthy place. Relationships go through tough times, but this doesn’t sound abnormal.” her friend assured her.

            “Yea, I guess so,” she muttered back. “Well thanks for talking with me, it really helps.”

            “Of course, anytime. I want to be here for you and I always will be.”

She felt assured of her relationship and tried to forget about it once more. But in the mundane motions of day to day life, she couldn’t help but hear him say it again and again: I’m trying not to break up with you. Through the pain of the statement and her own self doubts, she picked up her phone once more and sent a simple text message to her love: I love you, I wish you were here. It would be so much easier.

#

He said goodbye and hung up from Skype. He sat up and moved all the cords off his bed into a more convenient space: the floor. He grabbed the controller and turned the PlayStation on. The familiar start up noise and display on the TV welcomed him into a comfortable place. He browsed through the games he had and finally landed on a choice. Battlefield: Bad Company 2, a popular choice as of late and one of his favorite lazy day games. He booted up the game, and prepared for some relaxed fun. A quick hour had gone by when his phone chirped it’s loud tone. Paying no attention to it until his online match was over, he set down his PlayStation controller and picked up his phone. He flicked the phone open to see he got a message from his girlfriend. It simply read: I love you, I wish you were here. It would be so much easier. The noise of the TV caught his attention and alerted him another online match would begin in four seconds. He tossed the phone on the floor and quickly picked up the controller to continue his easygoing fun.