Short piece of writing
By w.rana.vi
- 670 reads
The fire cracking in the middle of the Victorian furniture filled room was the only source of light as my fingers traced the familiar keys.
Familiar yet they couldn't be more foreign to me.
If you were to give me a violin, the attentively carved wood, elegant engravings giving it all the more depth. Captivating any viewer not only by its style but by the eloquent, lustrous it's carefully tightened strings produce.
But with a piano, as mentioned, I'm completely clueless.
For the past hour or so I have been trying to master a beautiful piece but to no avail.
As I failed once more, a troubled sigh left my lips as I pressed all the keys at once before hearing his laughter.
I smiled as I got up, turning around to look at him only to be left utterly stunned.
He stood there, beauty painted over his face.
He stood in the corner of the enormous room in such a way that the beating fire only intensified his features, his presences.
A faint, idyll smile spread over his face only opening a small window showing off his pearly whites. Moving my eyes upwards slowly allowed me to appreciate every inch of his perfection.
And when I reached his glistening chocolate eyes that were being accentuated only by the fire, engulfing me into those dark cinnamon swirls, deep in I could feel the warmth they radiated, the emotion, the comfort.
Overwhelming, is what it was.
Wearing a tux only added to it all, truly breathtaking.
Long gone in a deep trance induced by those eyes only to be awaken by his soothing voice, "Need help?"
Even though it seemed completely impossible but his eyes seemed to turn even softer by the second as he neared me, agonizing me with his slow steps.
Sitting beside me only made the smell of cigarettes and colon stronger, mixed with the tranquil smell of wood burning, a mixture made in heaven.
"Let's try this," he whispered before starting a beautiful soft melody, concentrating on only the piano for only a minute before shifting it all into me.
Me.
A small smile creeped onto his face before disappearing right away as the melody stoped, his eyebrows furrowed for a moment before I picked up on it.
I continued the melody only for him to continue mid song until the end.
"Well, that was beautiful," that captivating smile was back on display causing me to be completely mesmerized, unable to speak.
And he knew that.
Causing him to lean in and capture my lips in a soft kiss.
"Why are you so quiet?" He asked with amused curiosity all over his face.
I laughed as I recalled every thought I have had this whole night and replied, "God do I love you."
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Comments
Welcome to ABCTales w.rana.
Welcome to ABCTales w.rana. This is nicely paced, with lots of detail
A couple of suggestions:
'A faint, idyll smile spread over his face' - should be idyllic
'the smell of cigarettes and colon ' - do you mean cologne?
Hope that helps. Look forward to more soon from you
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Hi. I haven't read anything
Hi. I haven't read anything by you before.
The atmosphere reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe. It's a long time since I read him, but this piece conjures a similar sense of place.
In terms of constructive criticism, small things only: same as the comment above and maybe the fire is "crackling", though there's no reason why it shouldn't "crack". I've heard them do it and it's a more original description. "eloquent lustrous sound", maybe, or "lustrousness"? "crept" rather than "creeped"?
Generally, it moves along nicely and is wonderfully descriptive. Looking forward to more of this story or a different piece from you.
Parson Thru
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