Haiku 1- Ice

By Yazmin

Sun, 01 Mar 2009

737 reads

3 comments

Lake frozen solid
Caressing your skates
Wait for the adrenaline

Certificate U

Opinion

Comments

Hi Yazmin, you need to

Permalink Submitted by Ewan on Thu, 2009-03-05 19:01

Hi Yazmin, you need to decapitalise 'adrenaline'. A personal opinion is that it's better not to capitalise the first word in a line in a haiku. I count 8 syllables in your second line... why not put a colon after 'skates' (caesura achieved that way) and put 'wait for the adrenaline!' Keep writing Ewan

Author Page at the 'Zon

Thanks Ewan I listened to

Permalink Submitted by Yazmin on Fri, 2009-03-06 17:29

Thanks Ewan I listened to your advice and made some changes Yaz

Yaz

The sentiment and imagery is

Permalink Submitted by threeleafshamrock on Sun, 2009-05-31 15:54

The sentiment and imagery is brilliant; really good, keep it up. Chris XX