Banished from never land

The beginning of Peter and Hooks rivalry…

I close my eyes and inhale the pure country gift of life. The energy swims through every organ in my body before exiting my nostrils. Sitting on our stone inscribed with our in initials – PP + WP – I flutter my eyes. Wendy Pan. Splashing my feet in the ruby blue water, I watch peter in awe; as he pounces from one giant lily pad to the next. His cheeky grin clears all other features out of the way. I can see the thrill and innocence tingling him all over.

When I peer deep into his pupils, I see nothing but a naive little boy; that’s exactly how I know that’s he’s not ready to grow up. Not yet.

As the night concludes, Peter gives me a kiss. I hold it out in the palm of my hand and I understand what the future holds will never be cherished the same as our youth. I sharply lock my hand shut and hold my closed fist to my heart. I want to hold on to this moment for as long as I possibly can, before I start my confession of distraction.

“Peter.” I run my fingers through his frizzy jet black hair. He barely mumbles a reply. I sniff back the jewel fighting to spring from the corner of my eye. He turns to face me and I feel a stab of concern through his emerald green eyes. I suck back as hard as I can, but no amount of effort would keep the droplet I named sally, from steering its way down my cheek. As it reaches my chin, it slows down. Hanging. Hanging for thought, and in the blink of an eye it drops… And Peter being Peter catches it. The both of us stare at sally as she evaporates before our sight. He glances up at me with his face full of concern.

“Why the tears?” I put my finger on his lips ordering his silence. I don’t want him to make this any harder than it already is. I try to bring myself to speak, but I know the words I’ll shed will only break the security of Neverland. Peter takes my whole hand and holds it in his fist as he uses his other hand to stroke my cheek. “Don’t cry. We’re only 13. We’re too young to have any problems.” I push my face into his right hand and regret releasing sally. I want to keep what we’ve got for a little while longer. But inside I know we can’t. I can’t.

“Peter. I have to tell you something.” In that one sentence, I know peter realises that somewhere along the lines, someone is going to grow up. Has to grow up. Is growing up. He squints his eyes in pain and dismissively shakes his head.
“No. I won grow up. I won’t.”
“Not you. Me. I have to grow up Peter.” His grip on my hands gets tighter and I want to call out in pain.
“No I won’t let you grow up. Neither of us will grow up. We’ll stay young…” He whispers in a cool under tone. “…Forever.” I shake my head refusing to allow my self be dragged back under reality.
“But I have to Peter. I have to grow up.” By now my face is drenched with a collection tears. My heart is leaking with distraught. I hate to see Peter broken like this. He doesn’t deserve to feel the wrath of my mistakes. He doesn’t deserve the sorrow I bring to his life. He deserves better.
“Give me one good reason to grow up.” I know peter doesn’t want a reason. He doesn’t want any possibly of any logic supporting the fact of adulthood. But I do have a reason. A crucifying reason.
“Peter.” he waits anxiously for the reply that will bring everlasting darkness to the sights of Neverland. “Peter, there’s no other way of saying this but… I’m pregnant.” He freezes in scepticism. The both of us know it’s not possible to conceive a child on the grounds of Neverland, for the innocence of youth never leaves place for an erg to explore. If a child is to be conceived then it can only be done so, outside of Neverland. But the worst of it is… Peter has never left Neverland; so there’s no possibility of him being the father. He knows I know he knows, but I let the silence linger for the little while longer.

Scared stiff, afraid to move, I release a little of carbon dioxide. The fact that he’s not saying anything make seconds feel like years. Inside my heart is drumming a tune of regret. The hardest thought though, is… what’s Peters heart drumming? A song of distress, a song of hate… a song of betrayal. I can see it eating his insides, yet he still doesn’t have an out burst due to the duplicity I practised. I turn my face away from him, as he loosens his grip on my hand. It’s coming… wait for it….
“So who flew you out?” What he means is, ‘who took you out of Neverland and helped produce this child?’ I hesitate whether to tell him or not, but either way, I know he knows.
“Hook!” The name rings and echoes in the bitter air. He gives it time to absorb before he asks his next question. An easier question.
“So when you was flying out, what was you happy thought.”
“You. You were peter.” I say it with pride, almost forgetting the dilemma I’m in.
“And when you was flying back in. what was your happy thought then.” silence. The both of us know that this answer will not be the same as the last. In shame I whisper in an under tone…
“London.” He nods knowingly.
“London itself or what took place in London?” I don’t reply to this one, because what he’s really trying to do is work out if I have any feelings for Hook – which I don’t… I think. He bows his head not knowing what to do or say next. A sharp blade slits a seam in my heart and I feel the liquid slowly leaking out and exit through the tears of my eyes. This confession was contracted from the time I released sally. Sally who is the mother of all tears.
“Peter. I do love you.” He looks up at me with his puppy like eyes. It melts my heart to him so hurt yet so calm. “Peter. What now?” I’m not really asking. The both of us know that I’ll be forced to leave Neverland and face the real world of adulthood. That’s the consequences you see. If I’m old enough to take the benefits of being an adult, then I’m ready to take the responsibility too. I give Peter a weary smile.
“So does he know?” Peter can’t help but stress his disgust.
“No.” I state but I want him to ask me why. I know he won’t so I tell him anyway. “I was hoping… I could… pretend the baby was yours.” Shock spread across his face. Half surprised half amazed. He was more overwhelmed with appreciation.
“Mine?” He questions in disbelief.
“Yeah.” I giggle. “I want it to be yours.” I lift up his hand and place it on my belly. His eyes light up as he enjoys the thought of being a father. “You know, if it’s a boy we could name him Adam or Zachariah or…”
“If it’s a girl…” He interrupts. “Can we name her after my mum?” Tinkerbelle? It’s not a name I’d choose at first thought, but I guess I owe it to him. To repay my disloyalty.
“If not her first name, it could be her middle name. But don’t set you heart on a girl. We have equal chance having a boy.” He nods reminding me of the child he is. I shake my head inside. What have I done? I put my hand under his chin and I look at him with all seriousness. “Peter you do know what this mean. Growing up.” He nod submissively and that makes me feel worse. He loves me so much he’d face his worse fear ever. “We’d have to live in London. Get a job. We’d have to make sacrifices Peter.” At this point he gabs my hand and looks at me seriously.
“I know Wendy. I know. Life will be hard, but I’d do anything for a girl. Anything.” My heart starts to sink at the fear of it being a boy. What then? Will he leave me? I know he’ll always have the chance to come back to Neverland. But me. I have no choice in leaving and I’ll never be able to return.

I let the kiss role from the palm of my hand and disappear in what use to be a paradise.

“Well let’s just let Tinkerbelle be our last happy thought.” I peer longingly in his eyes fearing for the future, but I know it’s doing no good, so I do my best to de-tense myself. And with that, we start to rise from the ground. Peter gently linked and locked his fingers in mine as we fly towards the stars. Gliding through the air, we enjoy the last of our youth, for we know that tomorrow we’d be …

Banished from Neverland.