The Street

By Gandalf

Mon, 20 Jul 2009
  • 835 reads
5 comments
 

The street is quiet now,
Only paper and straw hurry along,
Coaxed by the lonely wind,
Rotten fruit, rabbit skins and stale fish
Make macabre friendships in the wet curb,
Their sins cleansed by the corporation water cart,
A faulty light flickers in a shop window,
Others are dimming. Others are dead,
Shutters and blinds are drawn for the night,
Keeping their secrets until morning.

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
I like this; it paints a realistic picture. Short, sharp and to the point, without waste; very descriptive and enjoyable. Chris

Submitted by whiskey on
Very nicely painted, Gandalf. :-) The only two things I wondered about were: 'Only paper and straw hurry along' - not entirely sure you need 'only' as the word 'quiet' and what follows indicate the deserted street very well. It seems, to me at least, to interrupt the flow a little. '...in the wet curb' - I imagine you mean 'gutter', but that extra syllable would change the rhythm slightly, of course. Also, some of the commas should be replaced with full stops, and one of the full stops with a comma. If you write it out as a piece of prose, you should see what I mean. Otherwise great. Looking forward to reading more. :-)

Submitted by Gandalf on
Thanks for your comments - the poem was written in 1967 by the way.

Submitted by sarah wilson on
I really like the use of the word 'curb' as it is a nice shape (does that make sense?) great poem written when I was 3! sarah

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Gandalf this flows well expressive! 2 lines I like; Shutters and blinds are drawn for the night Keeping there secrets? until morning. julie cavalcader.