Warning

Hi there, Beeme. Another lovely poem;-) Just a couple of small points. In stanza one, fifth line; 'like' souls' would be better than 'likes souls'. And in the penultimate stanza, fourth line, maybe 'warnings' instead of 'warning'. You could then dispense with 'which', only if you wanted to, of course. I.e.:- 'familiar voices warnings we choose to ignore' By the way, I love, 'The sky - a torquoise shrine...' Beautiful imagery;-) Much enjoyed. Tina xx

Beeme this is full of great stuff, really like it. My favourite line though 'road-signs in the purple-blue pool break of a new day' took me a few reads to get because of the set-up, but without changing the format of the whole poem I'm not sure what to do about that. The 'purple-blue pool break' which I think are four stressed syllables out of five is very unusual to see and hard to read but is actually a stroke of brilliance. What about: The stars - road-signs in the vapour purple-blue pool break of a new day, point nowhere. Of course I could be reading it wrong and emphasising where you don't mean it to, in which case ignore me. Really well done :-) (Just noticed this waffling on has led to the advice of me telling you to move just one word - i need to get my head out of my arse) :-)

Some beautiful imagery Beeme- I can't pick one line out because there are so many good ones. ;)Pia

Particularly like the last stanza, Beeme. our ghosts- anchored to sin. Stir in the air and burn up in the scarlet sun Lovely. x

I liked this very much. One of your best I think. As the others have said, the imagery is very powerful and effective. Rob

The colours you've painted into this poem are so vivid and detailed, Beeme - 'A yellow chiffon sunset' 'vapour purple-blue pool break of a new day, 'The Sky- a turquoise shrine, haunted by familiar voices warnings we choose to ignore' - a beautiful and inspired way of delivering a very ugly and awfully sincere warning - everyone should read this :) Rachel xx