Pair of Sixes

Stood in a cubicle
cinema toilets
waiting for my piss to arrive

I rock back on my heels
favourite boots twisting over the tiles
I look around
these toilets are not so dirty
they’re not so bad
this is an art house cinema after all
most of the thespians,
be-bop young bohemians
and schoolteachers are pretty clean I figure
yeah, it’s not so dirty in here

Shall I do a rain dance? I wonder
Can eating too much turkey have an adverse effect on the bladder?

A neon bulb hisses overhead
feels like Jack Frost is stubbing his electric cigarette out
on my earlobe
can’t concentrate
maybe it’s a good thing
she’s waiting outside
she looks good tonight
she loves me for real
- and that’s like rolling sixes when only snake eyes would do
can’t let her wait too long

Remember Tommy
he used find it hard to go in public places
he hated urinals
absolutely dreaded the stage fright
rest room paranoia
problematic phobia
he divulged a deep secret to me once
told me how one day whilst standing timid
his flaccid member in hand
the giant porcelain vagina gaping,
expectant
ready to gobble him up
he had an unexpected surreal sub-coconscious thought
a kind of suprise sexual imagery
as he realised what it was he was thinking
it came
the golden flowing falls
the relief
the sense of sacred normality he craved
and from that moment on
he knew what it had been that had made it happen
he said he couldn’t deny it
he was ashamed, embarrassed
even a little disgusted
he told me
he had somehow pictured himself
in a homoerotic scene
some fragmented clip flashed across his inner eye
just some kind of muddled montage
maybe it was from a past porno session of some sort
nothing specific he said
but real enough
real enough to force certain elements
and ever since then
in order to overcome his fear of pissing in public
he had to harness his newfound bizarre technique
it was almost like he was bargaining with some internal jester
his sub-conscience had him over a barrel
why was it this thought that worked?
why not weather reports, fast cars, wallpaper, anything
something
why this?
he was a parent he said
married to a loving wife
he had home insurance
he played the lotto
he ate tofu
he was straight
for what reason then, does this work? He asked

I just laughed like a drain
and
I never let him forget he told me

And here now I stand
waiting
buzzing cigarette ash on the collar of my shirt
tiles twisting beneath my boot heels
pair of sixes standing outside waiting to take her seat
and I consider carefully
my options

December 2010