Words that I Wanted to Explain to Him but Never Did

This is how I feel:
I think you’ve been really, freakishly nice to me
And it’s made me want to be nice back.
And I tried it once! But when I tried it, it made you uncomfortable.
You seem to like it more when I’m mean to you.
Because it makes you laugh, unwittingly, and you still get to keep
The semblance of control. So I’ve been trying to back off
And act like I’m not wanting your attention, even though I am,
And act like I’m not feeling any chemical, neurobiological,
Electromagnetic, sub-atomic attraction to you, even though I am,
And act like I’m not wanting to shower you with
Soft words, or glances amidst a crowd of people,
Or light touches on your back so you can turn around and I                                                                      Can tell you something you didn't need to know just to start a conversation,
Or all those other things you like to do to me,
Even though I am.