Meeting the Buddha on the Road (1st draft)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MEETING THE BUDDHA ON THE ROAD

by

Gerard Corroon

 

 

 

 

SCENE 1 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL ROOM, DAY (AROUND 7PM)

 

BARRY is a very well turned out young man, his outfit is plain, almost severe, and says 'upmarket business casual' in a very stylish way. He is playing with an 'action figure', moving the limbs this way and that.

The room is empty, apart from a smart attache case on the bed.

BARRY puts the action figure down and moves to the window. As we look out the window with BARRY we see the traffic all moving in reverse. BARRY does not seem to find this unusual.

We also see two young women approaching the hotel.

 

 

SCENE 2 EXT. THE SAME HOTEL, CONTINUOUS

The two young women are approaching the hotel, a little uncertainly. Both are putting up a front of being sophisticated, but not quite pulling it off.

JUNE is blond, SINITA is dark haired.

SINITA brings them to a halt.

SINITA

Wait up wait up.

JUNE

Well what is it now?

SINITA

I've told ya. They're going to think we're a couple of prostitutes.

JUNE

Well what do you suggest then?

SINITA

The Carrot and Crumpet.

JUNE

And who are we going to meet in there? Robert De Niro? Brad Pitt?

SINITA

Fuck you.

JUNE

You're welcome.

 

SINITA

There's that guy with the leather trousers who plays pool.

JUNE

Come on! Get some blood in

your veins!

SINITA

And what if they ask us for ID? Like they will?

JUNE

I've already thought of that. Here you go.

JUNE hands a fake ID to SINITA, and puts one on herself.

SINITA

What's this? Where did you get that photo from? Looks quite good. What does it say? The writing's a bit small.

SINITA squints to read the small print.

SINITA

Contains cocoa solids 25% minimum, milk solids 14% minimum. Hey!

JUNE

Yes, it's better if you don't look too closely.

SINITA

What is this?

JUNE

Well actually it's a peppermint Aero wrapper. Now come on.

JUNE virtually drags SINITA into the hotel. They pass a sign announcing a conference 'Greening The Future. Time 4 change. #Time4Change'

 

SCENE 3 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL ROOM, SOON AFTER

BARRY is sitting on a chair or the bed, staring straight down. Everything about him says BORED.

He picks up the attache case and opens it. Inside is a fit-together sniper rifle and an envelope. He removes the envelope and assembles the rifle (with silencer) and loads a bullet.

He goes to the window and opens it. We see the traffic flowing in it's normal direction.

He squints through the telescopic sight and focuses the cross hairs on a passing dog. He tracks the dog, then switches to the face of a CLOWN selling red balloons for charity. The CLOWN is with a JUGGLER and a couple of performers in costume. He focuses on the face for a few moments, then switches to a red balloon. He fires, virtually silently. The balloon pops, and the CLOWN is left trying to figure out what happened to his balloon.

BARRY is crouching down, giggling. When he recovers he picks up the envelope and removes the contents. They are photographs of the Home Secretary.

 

SCENE 4 EXT. THE HOTEL, SOON AFTER

Three cars sweep up to the front of the hotel, two ministerial saloons and then a Range Rover last.

Close Protection officers emerge first, and then the Home Secretary.

There are a few reporters and photographers, and a camera crew.

REPORTER 1

Home Secretary are you going to announce the end of the British Nuclear Deterrent tomorrow? Home Secretary? Are we going to give up Trident?

The Home Secretary's party sweeps into the hotel.

REPORTER 2 (TO COLLEAGUES)

Nah, they'll never do that, will they?

 

 

SCENE 5 INT. HOME SECRETARY'S SUITE, SOON AFTER

Present are:

the Home Secretary,

DUGGAN the Home Secretary's PPS,

IQBAL the Home Secretary's political adviser,

Assistant Chief Constable MOFFAT (in uniform),

GUERIN the head of security for the Home Secretary.

ALEX a speech writer.

Three ASSISTANTS who are whooshing about busily.

HOME SECRETARY

It's not bloody good enough.

IQBAL

It's the price we have to pay to stay in power.

DUGGAN

Nearly ten thousand jobs will go directly by 2025, maybe fifty thousand in the supply chain.

IQBAL

And we'll get at least that many jobs back when we build the new hospitals.

HOME SECRETARY

And while the Scottish Secretary is out there in his bloody green wellies with his bloody plastic trowel at the bloody ground breaking, the Russians park a few Black Sharks above Downing Street and it's all over for a thousand years of British history.

IQBAL

We will free up enough resource to get the RAF back on it's feet. The Army will have another ten thousand men.

HOME SECRETARY

Ten thousand men? Put ten thousand men in an empty football stadium and see if anybody's impressed.

ASSISTANT 1

I have the Prime Minister.

HOME SECRETARY

Put him on. I'm just about ready for him.

PRIME MINISTER (SPEAKERPHONE)

Good evening Home Secretary.

HOME SECRETARY

What are we doing here David? What in God's name are we doing?

PRIME MINISTER (SPEAKERPHONE)

I have discussed this with the chair of the Strategic Defence Review, and she agrees with me that now is the time to retake the political initiative.

HOME SECRETARY

Gambling with our country's future?

PRIME MINISTER (SPEAKERPHONE)

There will be a considered and proportionate strengthening of our conventional forces.

HOME SECRETARY

We'll be pulling our knickers down in the school yard and screaming "Don't fuck with me cos I'm so moral."

PRIME MINISTER (SPEAKERPHONE)

I know that you feel very strongly about this issue and I want you know to that if you feel that you have to resign then I will respect you for that.

Silence.

 

SCENE 6 INT. ONE OF THE HOTEL BARS, EARLY EVENING

JUNE and SINITA are sitting at a table in the bar, trying to look like delegates while fingering their IDs. BASSUNT,a hotel security person, is eyeing them up suspiciously.

There are plenty of delegates chatting and going to and fro.

JUNE

Look we're going to have to talk to somebody soon. They're looking at us like we're lesbians.

SINITA

What about the guy with the tie? (IRONIC) Mi-aow!

They both giggle. The guy with the (loud) tie gets served immediately despite the bar being busy.

JUNE

Hmmmm. We can say something for him - he's got Bar Presence. I don't like my men to get ignored.

BASSUNT decides he's going to check them out, and moves over to talk to them.

BASSUNT

Good evening ladies.

SINITA

Yeah hi. Can I have another OJ and my friend would like a Bloody Mary.

BASSUNT

May I ask if you're here for the conference or here as guests?

JUNE

Oh I see. Yeah we're definitely here for the conference, definitely. I'm a Public Relations Stakeholder and you (TO SINITA), what are you again?

SINITA

Yeah I'm some kind of executive.

BASSUNT

If you're here with the conference can I see your ID please?

SINITA

My what?

BASSUNT

Your ID, your badge.

SINITA

You know what, I think I may have left it in my room.

BASSUNT

Oh no, I can see it hanging around your neck.

SINITA

Oh that ID. Well it's not my best one but here it is.

SINITA shows her fake ID to BASSUNT without removing it from her neck. He looks at it, starts to squint to read the writing. He can't read it. He holds out his hand for it.

BASSUNT

May I see it please?

BARRY

Oh no it's OK they're actually with me.

BARRY has arrived without anyone noticing.

BARRY thrusts his own ID into BASSUNT's hand. BASSUNT examines it closely, then passes it back.

BASSUNT

Thank you sir. I might just suggest something.

BARRY

Yes?

BASSUNT

Perhaps you could change the photo? It is clearly you, but the image is rather grainy.

BARRY

Very well, I will see to it tomorrow.

BASSUNT

Good evening.

BASSUNT leaves.

BARRY

May I join you, ladies?

JUNE

Oh please do, we're desperate.

BARRY sits down and the women collapse in giggles.

 

SCENE 7 INT. HOME SECRETARY'S SUITE, LATER

Present are:

the Home Secretary,

DUGGAN the Home Secretary's PPS,

IQBAL the Home Secretary's political adviser,

Assistant Chief Constable MOFFAT (in uniform),

GUERIN the head of security for the Home Secretary.

ALEX a speech writer.

Three ASSISTANTS.

Everyone is looking tired, except GUERIN. The Home Secretary is studying her speech

ALEX

No I'm telling you She-Ra has got some serious moves. She's the fastest, the strongest, and she has that Sword of Protection. Nothing can touch her.

IQBAL

Yes but Wonder Woman can do that spinning thing.

ALEX

The spinning thing?

IQBAL

Yeah.

IQBAL does a totally lame impersonation of Wonder Woman spinning around one way, then the other way.

ALEX

Wow that was so fast you were almost invisible.

HOME SECRETARY

Alex we need to take out this bit about 'the post mortem'. Not the best taste in the context of Nuclear Weapons.

ALEX

Right.

HOME SECRETARY

Ok everybody, the thing about being a Home Secretary is that you get to kick bodies out when you want to. So if you have a home to go to, I suggest that you git.

All the others go to leave.

ALL VARIOUSLY

Good night.

HOME SECRETARY

Oh Alex?

ALEX

Yes Home Secretary?

HOME SECRETARY

Just so you know. While Wonder Woman can definitely kick butt, my money is on She-Ra. Every time.

The HOME SECRETARY retires to her bedroom.

 

SCENE 8 INT. ONE OF THE HOTEL BARS, LATER

JUNE, SINITA and BARRY are sitting at the same table. There are far fewer other people around now. A number of empty glasses are before them.

BARRY

So all movies have the same plot, beneath the surface.

SINITA

What, all of them?

BARRY

Yeah, all of them. Doesn't matter whether its Raging Bull or the Wizard of Oz.

JUNE

So what is it, then?

BARRY

Ah I can't tell you. It's a secret, and if I told you then soon everybody would know.

JUNE

What are you saying about us?

JUNE and SINITA begin to mock-pummel BARRY.

SINITA

You'd better tell us what it is.

JUNE

Yes you'd better!

BARRY

Ok ok I can't take any more.

They stop hitting him but wait with raised fists...

BARRY

This is it, this is the meaning of life.

SINITA

Go on then.

BARRY

Rain falls on the rock, and some of the water penetrates.

At the word 'penetrates' the ladies start giggling.

BARRY

But it's only if the water freezes that the rock is split apart.

JUNE

And what has that got to do with movies?!

They begin to hit him again, laughing.

 

SCENE 9 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL ROOM, SOON AFTER

JUNE and SINITA are in the bedroom, partly or wholly undressed, in low light. BARRY is in the bathroom. JUNE moves the attache case off the bed and onto the side. SINITA discovers the action figure.

SINITA

Oh look what Mr. Spiritual's got!

SINITA bends the figure into a classic Yoga position, and places it on the side.

Both of them start sniggering, and climb into bed, where they snigger even more.

BARRY arrives, puts out the light, and climbs into the bed.

 

SCENE 10 INT. HOME SECRETARY'S SUITE, NEXT MORNING

Present are:

the Home Secretary,

DUGGAN the Home Secretary's PPS,

IQBAL the Home Secretary's political adviser,

Assistant Chief Constable MOFFAT (in uniform),

GUERIN the head of security for the Home Secretary.

ALEX a speech writer.

Three ASSISTANTS.

There is a modest buffet on the side. ALEX and IQBAL are grabbing a sandwich.

DUGGAN

The conference begins at 10 this morning. Your speech is at 10.15 and of course that is the main speech of the day. Then we have media until 11.30. Lunch till 12.30, gauge reactions, then we slip away at the Home Secretary's discretion.

HOME SECRETARY

Right, good. Biggest speech of my bloody career. Might well be the last speech of my bloody career, too.

 

SCENE 11 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL ROOM, MORNING

SINITA is smoking by an open window. She tries to flick the butt out of the window, but she misses and it drops to the carpet. She hurriedly rubs it out with a vigorous twisting motion with the ball of her foot. We see that it leaves quite a bad mark on the carpet. She sees the mark.

SINITA

Shit.

BARRY and JUNE are still sleeping. SINITA quietly takes the attache case and opens it. She sees the sniper rifle.

SINITA

Oh shit.

She takes the envelope and sees the photographs of the Home Secretary.

SINITA

Bloody shit.

SCENE 12 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL BEDROOM, CONTINUOUS

 

JUNE and BARRY are waking up together. BARRY makes to get out of bed. JUNE stirs and throws her arms around BARRY's waist, to keep him in bed.

JUNE

Noooooooo...

BARRY tenderly untangles himself and pads off to the shower.

JUNE

Monster.

SCENE 13 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL ROOM, CONTINUOUS

SINITA hears BARRY coming and hides the attache case.

BARRY sees her and grunts a greeting. SINITA just smiles.

We hear the shower start. SINITA grabs the attache case and sneaks to the bedroom. She knocks quietly on the door as she enters.

SINITA (WHISPERING)

June!

 

SCENE 14 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL BEDROOM, CONTINUOUS

SINITA enters. JUNE is chewing gum. She has been going through BARRYs stuff. She is holding a handgun, staring at it in dismay.

JUNE

Oh shit.

SINITA (WHISPERING)

We'd better get out of here.

JUNE

Ok.

JUNE starts to put the gun back, then pulls it back and puts her gum down the gun barrel, out of sight, then puts the gun back.

SINITA grabs her hand.

SINITA

Come on.

They both sneak out of the flat, SINITA still holding the attache case.

SCENE 15 INT. BARRY'S HOTEL BEDROOM, SOON AFTER

BARRY is turning the place over, looking for his attache case. Of course he doesn't find it.

BARRY

Shit.

He take his handgun and puts it in his pocket, then leaves.

 

SCENE 16 EXT. THE HOTEL, SHORTLY AFTER

 

BARRY is talking to a surprised looking Dispatch Rider on a motorbike. BARRY counts out a large sum of money and hands it over to the DR. They shake hands.

 

SCENE 17 INT. THE HOTEL LOBBY, SHORTLY AFTER

From outside we hear the frenzied yowling of a motorbike engine, then the Dispatch Rider bursts in through the main entrance. The metal detector alarm goes off...

We see that it is BARRY who is riding the bike. He revs through the lobby and heads for the stairs.

 

SCENE 18 INT. HOME SECRETARY'S SUITE, SHORTLY AFTER

Present are:

the Home Secretary,

DUGGAN the Home Secretary's PPS,

IQBAL the Home Secretary's political adviser,

Assistant Chief Constable MOFFAT (in uniform),

GUERIN the head of security for the Home Secretary.

ALEX a speech writer.

Three ASSISTANTS.

The HOME SECRETARY is pacing, with his/her speech in hand, with ALEX in close attendance.

HOME SECRETARY

... and so we feel that Trident is a legacy system for a past age, a world born of fear.

From outside we hear a frenzied revving rapidly approach, then there are shouts and a terrible crash just outside the door.

In bursts BARRY, dressed as a Dispatch Rider. Most of the staff scatter yelling, leaving only the HOME SECRETARY, MOFFAT and GUERIN.

MOFFAT tries to lay his hands on BARRY who easily gives him the slip and strikes him down.

GUERIN draws his gun and points it at BARRY.

GUERIN

Armed polic...

BARRY gets inside his firing arm. There is a struggle, but BARRY wins quickly. BARRY takes out his own gun and points at the HOME SECRETARY who is just a few feet away.

BARRY

We need to keep our nuclear weapons to be safe.

BARRY pulls the trigger but nothing happens. He stares at the gun, tries again several times. The HOME SECRETARY backs away.

BARRY snatches up GUERIN's gun. He aims it deliberately at the HOME SECRETARY.

We see a red dot appear on BARRY's jacket as he levels his gun at the HOME SECRETARY. Just as he as in the firing position there is the sound of glass shattering and BARRY is hit by 3 rounds from a sniper rifle. He collapses.

Through the Window we can see SINITA holding BARRY's own sniper rifle.

---- THE END ----