The Come Up: Alex Brown, Chapter 4
By PleaseCallMeSebastian
- 856 reads
There are very few things in Bogalusa that i consider to be great. One of those few things are the taxi services of Bogalusa. I take taxis everywhere, except school. You can just call them up and they are at your location in just a few minutes. I was actually getting ready to call one now. All of my clothes were packed, i managed to shove all my cd's in random spots, and i have a bag full of just my marijuana paraphernalia. I go ahead and call the taxi over now so by the time i finish getting my stuff together, i can leave. I grab a few more small essentials and then i am done. Right as i am finishing up, Eric starts spamming me with texts and then a call, which i answer.
"Yo dude, you still coming to chill tonight? I've got some of that primo shit we smoked the other night. Shit, what's it called again?" , he chattered excitedly.
I respond, "It's called Skywalker OG. And yea dude, I'll be over there in a little bit."
In a now unexcited tone he says, "So you're really going. Dang. Alright, i'll catch you later then."
He hangs up after that. I already know he is just another person doubting my decision and Brandon. Only if they could know everything about Brandon. Like the fact that he writes music and storys, which could really help me with my writing. Or maybe the fact that he sells more drugs than Pablo Escobar himself could. Yes indeed, that is the reason my family and friends can know so little about him. Suddenly i hear a squealing honk, which must be the taxi. Now that ive snapped out of my thought coma, i hurriedly grab my stuff and run out the door. As soon as i get in range i can tell its my favorite driver. His name is Shabeeb, he has an accent straight from India, and he to loves to smoke some fresh green. I know this because the first time i rode with him i smelled really dank. I'm assuming he noticed because the next time he picked me up he had a freshly rolled blunt sitting in the back seat cup holder. Needless to say we have been taking turns rolling every time afterwards, and smoking on the way. With that in mind, i put my clothes and stuff in the trunk, and then toss my bag full of illegal shit in the back seat. Then i go around and sit in the front seat.
"Ahhh. What is up my friend! Where are we going tonight?" he says.
"Just go to Eric's." I pull out a blunt and light it. Its hitting perfect. Pass. Shabeeb hits it and lets out a deep gurgling cough, as usual when i don't tell him its good stuff.
"Oh man! This is some good shit my friend. So what up? You need to leave tonight or tomorrow morning? How far do i have to go? You know. I need details." barely managing to speak without choking and coughing. Pass. I had went ahead and lined up a ride to the bus stop.
"I only need you to take me to Hattiesburg, Mississippi. After that i will catch a bus to Miami."
"Okay buddy." Then he turns up the radio and we just smoke and ride.
Time always flys when im doing this. Just smoking and taking in everything around me. Before i know it we are pulling into Eric's driveway. This is my last night in Bogalusa.
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Comments
Good to get some more
Good to get some more information about Brandon - it would also be good to know a bit more about how Alex met him and managed to keep the information away from his family.
For me, the dialogue isn't reading as smoothly as the actual narrative. I don't know if you read your dialogue out loud, but it can help to see if it sounds like something the character would actually say. I thought 'I will see you later then' sounded a bit formal for Eric compared to what he'd said before.
Also needs a bit of proof reading - the first sentence is a bit tangled and there's a bit of confusion of tenses in that first paragraph.
Still moving on at a good pace and the extra information about Brandon adds to the reader's curiosity about what Alex is getting himself into!
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