Mad Smithers and the Government's All Under Control Plan : Episode 5
By hilary west
- 703 reads
Mad Smithers 5
(At the Institute)
ANDREX : Was this a trick, Malcolm?
DARREN : Yeh, there are no game boys.
MALCOLM : Look, boys, the brainwashing chairs can be fun. Try them.
ANDREX : Oh no.
MALCOLM : Look, if you don’t do as I say Mariah Carey will sing again.
ANDREX : What do we have to do?
MALCOLM : Take your seats. It won’t hurt. You might know Smithers and I are good-hearted people.
DARREN : Smithers is mad.
MALCOLM : That is highly exaggerated; the man is a genius.
DARREN : Do you promise we won’t lose our individuality?
MALCOLM : Of course, boys. Just sit tight.
(Smithers enters)
SMITHERS : So, Malcolm, you are working well.
MALCOLM : Yes, I have the boys ready.
SMITHERS : Suck them into the vortex of control, Malcolm. Dummy them to death.
ANDREX AND DARREN : Aarh, we are being swept into the corridors of control.
SMITHERS : Don’t worry, boys, you will become limp and complicit.
ANDREX : We have always been limp.
SMITHERS : Good, nothing will change then. When they are done, Malcolm, give them this to drink, it is hardener for their tender, little hearts.
MALCOM : Of course, Smithers. I will do exactly as you say.
SMITHERS : If only they were all as complicit as you, Malcolm. (Knock at the door) Who is that at the door?
(Elder McCronie is at the door)
MALCOLM : It’s Elder McCronie (Looking out of window)
SMITHERS : You keep him busy while I talk to the modified boys. I have their first task ready. Give the Elder McCronie this to drink.
(Ten minutes later)
SMITHERS : So, Malcolm, you have been entertaining the Elder McCronie.
MALCOLM : Yes I have.
SMITHERS : The boys are here, Elder McCronie.
ELDER McCRONIE : Boys, you mean Andrex and Darren.
SMITHERS : Yes, they are such beautiful boys, why not take them home, Elder McCronie.
ELDER McCRONIE : Oh no, I couldn’t, it wouldn’t be right.
SMITHERS : They are complicit with everything we say, just like you Elder McCronie, you have drunk my little, herbal tea.
ELDER McCRONIE : Yes, I am feeling quite light-headed. My, those boys are handsome.
SMITHERS : Of course, Elder McCronie. Take them, pleasure them, be their good dad.
ELDER McCRONIE : Oh I feel quite weak, as though all my moral defenses were down. But my, they do look handsome.
ANDREX : We like you too, Elder McCronie. We will go back to your comfortable house in the suburbs and subvert all justice.
ELDER McCRONIE : Good, let’s go. My wife is busy in town.
(They leave the Institute)
(Back at Elder McCronie’s house)
ANDREX : This is such a big stick, Elder McCronie.
ELDER McCRONIE : I use it to beat my wife.
ANDREX : We thought you were so moral.
ELDER McCRONIE : I was, I mean am. It’s just she usually asks for too much sex.
ANDREX : And us, Elder McCronie, why not take us up to the bedroom.
ELDER McCRONIE : Go on then.
(They mount the stairs)
(They are all in bed. Darren looks under the bedclothes)
DARREN : My, this is a big one.
ELDER McCRONIE : That is my King James Version, it is a huge tome.
ANDREX : Ther is nothing like the good book for a little light reading.
ELDER McCRONIE : I don’t know what I am doing. Why am I here in bed with Andrex and Darren? Surely the sky will fall in.
ANDREX : I don’t think so. We are fully complicit, Elder McCronie, you can take us like a man.
(Mrs. Upsall enters bedroom)
MRS. UPSALL : What is going on? I can’t believe it. Has Satan conquered heaven, the Elder McCronie fallen to sin and depravity?
ELDER McCRONIE : Oh, Mrs. Upsall, this is not what it looks. The boys are merely tired. I am simply reading them a tract of the bible to get them off to sleep.
MRS. UPSALL : In your bed. Why in your bed? I am no fool. You are fallen, gone to the devil.
ELDER McCRONIE : Please, Mrs. Upsall, I am not thinking clearly, my head is swimming.
MRS. UPSALL : Your head will be swimming alright.
(She takes a sweeping brush and pushes it under the bedclothes)
Come out you two little demons. You are devils from hell. The Elder McCronie has been corrupted.
ELDER McCRONIE : Believe me, Mrs. Upsall, these two boys are bad. They took me in, said they wanted a biblical reading in bed.
MRS. UPSALL : And then stripped to their underpants, Elder McCronie?
ELDER McCRONIE : That is right.
MRS. UPSALL : Oh that Loose Lucy, she is to blame for this, corrupting a man of the cloth. She is devil’s spawn.
ELDER McCRONIE : No, I think it is Mad Smithers, he encouraged me after his herbal tea. We must pray to God Almighty for help. This has been a terrible day.
MRS. UPSALL : May God be praised that I got here in time, before an act of buggery could be committed.
ELDER McCRONIE : Amen to that, Mrs. Upsall.
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