Season's Spirit.
By Ladylily
- 1634 reads
Framed blue frozen lake,
Geese run, glide,
buffing fibreglass foil,
transforms into sheets of
platinum.
Queues of fine fir trees
traced emerald tips
poke the sky of shimmering
scarlet.
Iced Moon drifts into view
without a word,
it’s beams spill across
rivers,
lines of glimmering fire.
Trillion snowflakes hug
together…
Snowman born, bold, stiff.
Snow swirls tag
one-another,
settle on vermillion
Winter Pansies.
Wrapped, silk-skinned
Crocus in timeless state,
Excited!...Await…timeslot
to ignite...
Pearls flick-flack open,
then
suffocated by Nature’s
icing.
Circles of mauve mists
mesmerize Robin, chips
sharp notes…
pure as frankincense,
healing as myrrh.
A shift in azure air
wobbles webs,
attentive spiders stand
attentioned.
Pearl orbs of mistletoe
tremble with kisses.
Sherbet-lemon Violas
eavesdrop from comfy
corms.
All-encompassing seasons
whirl,
enveloping a wondrous
world,
she silently slumbers.
Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
Snow Trees in Bear River Refuge USA.
John Zuker US Fish and Wildlife Service. 2011.
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Comments
Some
beautiful imagery throughout your poem.
However there are one or two things you might consider:
Framed blue frozen lake,
Geese run, glide,
buffing fibreglass foil,
transforms into sheets of
platinum.
I think you mean that the fibreglass foil transforms (is transformed) into etc. but I'm not sure: the comma confuses the meaning. In addition, your participle buffing leads the reader to think that the geese glide,buff and transform. It's not exactly a dangling participle, but you need a relative clause to make the foil transform. Thereby hangs another problem, if you insert a which it may sound clunky. If you were daring you could use a full stop (period) and "It".
In a similar way :
Queues of fine fir trees
traced emerald tips
poke the sky of shimmering
scarlet.
Looks as though you're switching tenses. I'm assuming you mean that the "traced emerald tips" belong to the "queue of fine fir trees". If you do, you can either write
fine fir trees'
traced-emerald tips
or
fine fir trees
with traced-emerald tips
Well done on some striking imagery. I enjoyed this.
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I feel like I went on a
I feel like I went on a winter wonderland walk through the magic of the season as I read your poem. As always you've captured the essence perfectly.
Jenny.
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Winter wonderland indeed,
Winter wonderland indeed, very well done Geraldine xx
Yasemin Balandi
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