Limbo
By WGenuis_Writer
- 555 reads
Limbo
On one sunny day Jim woke up from a deep slumber. He was dazed and couldn’t remember what happened from the night before. He felt unmeasurable pain like he went through the biggest thrashing of his life like he was cut open, and he was extremely hungry, Jim thought that maybe he drank too much yesterday. He walked out of his room which was surprisingly neat even though he thought he drank the night before surely making a mess. Nevertheless he started down the hallway, he then passed by a room he was sure was never in his house. The room had pink walls, dolls, stuffed animal, and pretty much everything a little girl would have in her room but it was extremely messy. Clothes thrown from the closet onto the floor, the bed sheets where thrown around the room and even one of the closet doors was ripped out. Jim was very confused about this but he was still unbearably hungry so he just headed downstairs for some food. When he got there he noticed that the place was a mess food everywhere, chars strewn about and the table broken in half. Jim still very hungry couldn’t really process all of this and eats some cereal from the box, but out of nowhere, he hears footsteps coming from upstairs in his room. They sound frantic and angry almost like someone was looking for something. Jim being scared and frightened, but curious still went upstairs to see who was in his room. When he went up to his room, he saw that the door was wide open, he saw that his clothes were on the floor in a similar pattern to the girls clothes that were on the floor, he also saw that is bed sheets were thrown around the room just like the bedsheets from the fires room, finally he noticed that one of his closet doors were ripped open. Jim now profoundly confused as to why his room looks so similar to the girls room, was taken by surprise when out of nowhere a bag covers his head. He’s then dragged down the steps to the kitchen there he’s thrown upon a table that imdeiatly splits in half. Jim couldn’t even stand up when he was again grabbed again and was thrown against the chairs and flung at the cupboards spilling food around him. Jim while in the most pain he ever felt, still focused and could tell the man wasn’t taller than him he was even sure that the intruder had the same size hands as him. Before he could think further he was dragged down the stairs roughly and quickly, hitting his head multiple times. He then was strapped down on to a table unable to move, but he could look around and he saw something on the floor. The room was very dark but he could make out a small framed shape, then suddenly the lights came one and he saw the horrific sight. It was Jim’s daughter of 9 years old there was blood all over her, Jim could tell that her arm were broken and her legs also. But the most horrific thing was that there were holes in her cut out by a tool most likely by a saw, they were all over her body but there was a giant gaping long hole right in the middle of her. Jim now weak and crying on the verge of becoming insane heard a saw and looked back at the man hunched over a desk turning it on. Jim now having a new found determination to live tried to escape from his bindings which were locks, Jim being too busy trying to break the locks didn’t notice that the man was behind him. The man raised his saw and the with the light Jim saw the mans face, the man was Jim.
Jim suddenly woke up from a deep slumber on a bright sunny day. He was dazed and couldn’t remember what happened from the night before. He felt unmeasurable pain, like he went through the biggest thrashing of his almost as if he was cut open...
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Welcome to ABCTales W. If you
Welcome to ABCTales W. If you're looking for suggestions here are a couple of things:
it would be easier on the eye if you could break up the big block of text - hopefully that would make it less daunting for your readers.
There's some great (and scary!) description in this piece, but it would benifit from another read through and a good edit - eg: there are quite a few places where you drift from the past into the present tense, and places where your autocorrect has not done you any favours eg: 'their' when it should be 'there'
Hope that helps and that you post more soon, but when you do please be careful to rate it correctly - this one is definitely an 18 and has been changed accordingly.
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