(The Ongoing?) (and rather exaggerated) Chronicles Of Mr Alfred Muggins : Mr Muggins Finds Inspiration From The Adventures Of Good Old King Henry
Alfred Muggins was sat in bed on his day off with his wife, both having slept late. His wife had tried to engage him in conversation at 8.26 when he returned from the toilet. She had been looking at facebook for a while, scrolling and scrolling, while he refused to be tempted into wakefulness. He knew he needed more sleep, as they had been watching historical dramas again, about that famous English King who had so many wives, and had become so cruel.
He sometimes thought it was one of the few things they really had in common, he and his wife : an interest in history, and particularly anything to do with that supposedly jolly King, who, by all accounts, turned into such a nasty monster! Alfred’s wife kept finding more and more programmes on the subject, and he could not help but watch them with her. They both found them extremely fascinating and absorbing. In fact the nuances of Katherine the Spanish Queen’s life were far more riveting than any morbidly modern episode of Eastenders could ever be. And even Coronation Street could never be half so exciting as the beheadings of one or another of the monarch’s advisors, friends, or wives! (It occurred to him that Coronation Street already had the name of the virus Corona in it. Wasn’t that amazing , and they had all been watching it for many years, completely unaware of the uncanny future significance of this!)
There were dramas and even documentaries from different points of view, about Good old King Henry and his wives, his father and predecessors, and his famous daughters. They often told the same stories, but from different characters’ perspectives!
Alfred Muggins, who at least shared the name of one king, wondered why their own lives could never be so exciting as the lives of these courtiers and Kings, and maidens, but at least their own lives, dull as they might often seem, were not half so dangerous, except for the coronavirus of course (which was an everpresent worry in these times, much as the sweating sicknesses and plagues of yesteryear must have been to them!)
Muggins did eventually wake again at 10.04 precisely, but his wife was still rather dozy. Feeling the imperatives and responsibilities of nature he did his ablutions and went downstairs to care for the dog and cat in the kitchen, and the smaller dog who shared their bedroom, thankfully still in his dog bed, at the side of the bed, on the floor at this stage.
Muggins fantasised what it would be like to have so many wives! Not all at the same time of course! Even Henry himself did not have that freedom. Just think how many sons and heirs he might have clocked up if he had been able to have a number of wives all at the same time. He might have had so many sons and heirs that he would have been able to relax a bit more about the inheritance and might have proved to be a much more relaxed King, and nicer to his wives and everyone else. He wouldn’t then have had to pass his throne on to daughters and could have passed it on to stronger sons. Of course Edward VI was the son and first offspring who inherited, but did not live so long, unfortunately, so against old King Henry’s wishes the throne then had to be given to his daughters. But even in those times the rules of marriage were strict and even a King could only have one wife at a time, which was unfortunate because it did mean that some of them had to be executed to get rid of them, so he could marry fresh Queens. As it was he was sometimes able to have mistresses, but they could not produce heirs!