Larry and Mick Create a Black Hole and Nearly Destroy the Universe

 

"Oops."

 

"What?"

 

"I've just accidentally created a black hole with this Home Physics Kit."

 

"Oh dear."

 

"It's growing exponentially."

 

"You better stop it."

 

"I don't know how."

 

"Oh dear (again)."

 

...

 

"Hello, is that the Large Hadron Collider?"

 

"This is someone who works at the Large Hadron Collider. What do you want?"

 

"I've just created a black hole."

 

"On purpose?"

 

"Not really..."

 

"Why?"

 

"Why what?"

 

"Why did you create a black hole?"

 

"I didn't mean to."

 

"Yes, but why? What possessed you to do the things that would lead to black hole creation?"

 

"Dunno really. Bored."

 

An audible sigh.

 

"Okay, let me talk to my supervisor."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"My assistant tells me you have created a black hole..."

 

"Yes. Sorry."

 

"Happens. How big is it?"

 

"Mick, pass me that ruler... 17cm."

 

"How big was it to start with?"

 

"2cm."

 

"Okay..."

 

"What should we do?"

 

"If it gets much bigger, you won't be able to stop it sucking up the entire universe."

 

"Oh dear..."

 

"Oh dear indeed."

 

"So what should I do?"

 

"Listen very carefully... do you have any Blu Tack?"

 

"Just a minute... thanks, Mick... yes, we have just restocked."

 

"Rip off a lump of Blu Tack."

 

"Done."

 

"Stick it to the black hole."

 

"It's a bit slippery..."

 

"Do you care about saving the universe?"

 

"Alright, keep your hair on... done!"

 

"Now get some porridge oats."

 

"All out."

 

"A flapjack?"

 

"Mick, pass me the flapjacks... Okay, now what?"

 

"Crumble up a flapjack and sprinkle it over the Blu Tack and black hole."

 

"Sprinkling... oh brilliant!"

 

"What's happened?"

 

"The black hole has gone!"

 

"Good. Now eat the Blu Tack mixed with flapjack bits."

 

"Why?"

 

"Waste not, want not."

 

"I'd rather not..."

 

"Bye..."

 

...

 

"That was a close one, friend Mick."

 

"Sure was, friend Larry."

 

"What shall we do next?"

 

"Recreate the conditions for the Big Bang?"

 

"Why the heck not!"

 

< fin >