It's Grim Up North

Gold cherry

By Makis

Mon, 08 Sep 2025
  • 740 reads
5 comments
 

Whilst strolling gently down twilight road
I encountered a man worsted by sombre load
His knees were bent and shoulders cowed
And his manner ungainly under gauzy shroud

His silhouette jarred against melting light
As he carried a scythe into gathering night
With scimitar blade and menacing form
Whilst murmuring quietly like threatening storm

His face concealed by louring hood
He trudged towards me, as I stood with mounting disquiet
Fearing the worst 
My time had come, my piety vanquished, my fate unrehearsed

Was this the grim reaper in harvest mode
Gathering souls for his ghastly abode?
I closed my eyes in awful dread
And shuddered in fear of the beckoning dead

'Ay up,' he said, 'grand night for a stroll'
As he lowered his hood and grinned
'I'm harvesting hay in the park 
So I thought come what may, while the weather's just right 
I'll get this job done before dark'

I breathed a sigh of cautious relief
And stared anxiously at my watch
It was several years before my time
So I smiled at the reaper and his sombre load
And continued my journey along twilight road

Certificate U
Poem
Humour
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

Great IP response - you set the atmosphere up really well!

 

Submitted by Ewan on

  but the formatting has problems.

Stanza three, line 2 has half of what should be the start of line 3 at its end.

In stanza five your punctuation needs to show which are the words of "T'Grim Reaper" (Ho,ho)

'Ay up,' he said, 'grand night for a stroll.'
As he lowered his hood and grinned,
'I'm harvesting hay in the park'
'So I thought come what may, while the weather's just right,
I'll get this job done before dark.'

You could be so bold as to write "t'weather's just reet" and 'I'm harvesting hay int' park' too, no? I'd leave out 'So I thought' as it throws the scansion off.

Choosing to move away from rhyming couplets for the last two stanzas is a bold move, but I really like it.

In the last stanza the scansion does stumble a bit. I'm not quite sure how you can fix it. Counting syllables does help with scanning verse, but in-word stress also plays a part. Do you read poems out loud, after you write them?

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by Ewan on

This droll take on this week's inspiration, whilst not being perfect, is nevertheless our Pick of the Day.

Do please share on your own Social Media Accounts

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by Makis on

Many thanks for your comments Ewan. I do read aloud as I shape the work and I agree that the last stanza doesn't quite work, but I read it so mamy times that by fluctuating the reading tempo I made it work, whether it liked it or not.

Incidentally, I live in North Yorkshire and the Reaper is a close neighbour. His accent is quite refined for a notherner as he's from Harrogate! 

 

Submitted by Ewan on

 in Elland, after 15 years in Spain. Been here 5 years now, so I'm still not anywhere near being Yorkshire Folk.

Yes, I know what you mean about making it fit. I think we all do it.

best

E.

Author Page at the 'Zon