Journal

Sunday 4th December 2005 ' 9:37 pm ...and so, Sunday night at the local, to swamp my miseries. Or so I thought¦ Mad Mack's (The Mad Mackeral to give it it's full name) is the only decent pub in town. It's opposite the clock tower on the seafront, at the apex of a triangle formed by Prospect Hill, Wrack Alley and Eastern Esplanade. The bar is correspondingly v-shaped, looking like the prow of a ship cleaving through an ocean of maroon carpet: Public Bar to port, Saloon to starboard. There's no dividing wall between the two, though. It's just a matter of furnishing and decor. The Saloon is cosier, with its sagged-out armchairs and nicotine-sepia'd pictures. The Public, on the other hand, has red leather stools and a juke box (a genuine Rock-ola 'Bubbler', complete with arching neon tubes and original 50s song list). There's also a TV set in the corner, a fruit machine, a pool table and a dartboard. These last two, given the snug size of the bar, overlap each other's floor space to some extent. If both are being used at once, the players of one have to give way to the players of the other in turn if dart-punctured buttocks or cue-shafted arseholes are to be avoided.

The human condition Such as it is The human condition Such as it was The human condition Such as it will be: Shit heaping Shit atop Shit.

Alright, then. No more excuses. Everything else is done now. The stuff's cleared away from breakfast. My pants and socks are soaking in the sink. I've had a bowel movement and a wash, sprayed my armpits, changed my t-shirt. The computer's on and I've dumped Solitaire, Minesweeper and Pinball off the hard drive. There, on the desk beside the keyboard, sits my fuel supply: a fresh can of Tennant's, some ready-made rollies, a packet of plain chocolate Hob-Nobs.

What if there was someone that you wanted to be with so bad that you didn't know what to do with yourself. Yet, the attraction was an odd one at best. You didn't know where it came from and you really didn't know what it was about the person that you liked about them. Perhaps it was their wit or their natural charm that one you over. Perhaps it was the way it they were themselves. Perhaps it was the natural honesty about them that seemed to win you over. However you didn't really know what to do with this.