Just Call Me - July 31 2002

06.55am, I am listening to Back From The Grave Part One, which is a
collection of old garage punk songs, which a friend copied for me. It
was hot last night, and for a while I thought I had lost someone that
was dear to me. But I hadn't really, no not really. I tell you, it's
not easy to choke on peppered chicken while emotions run high. But
still, I know we are okay. We have to be because I don't think I could
cope if they weren't.

Yesterday (30) I fed the cats and then I did a lot of things before
work, then I got the train, which is a new train and about twenty
degrees cooler than the outside. I listened to Erin's tape.

During the morning, I did the backup tapes and sorted out the laptop
finally so that it works. I returned it to them in the aftrenoon and
made sure it worked. I get a kick out of fixing things, like laptops,
or computers or where relationships go awry a bit, if I can. Life is
strange enough without grief that comes from misunderstandings.

The rest of the day it was hot, very hot. My boss refused to wear his
jacket, but I still wore mine because I had a lot of stuff to cart
about. Leastways I only have to work till August 9th then I am off for
the rest of the month near enough.

I got in, had a bath, played the guitar and then went online. I didnt
call Erin at lunchtime today because they were in a meeting. But I did
about 9.30, taking advantage of a spare five minutes or so. I am so
glad I did. We were chatting and I found out that Erin had got the
blues about a friend, and for a while I felt like we had lost the
rapport we had. But I sang them some songs, cause I am funny like that,
to make them feel better.

Sometimes its like going out somewhere like a pub and suddenly there is
this wall that's sprung up and I wonder what I said. But it aint me,
its just that life gets people down. Erin and I play snakes and ladders
and sometimes the dice dont roll the way you expect, and maybe the dice
rolled under the carpet for a bit, but after a while we found them and
although we kept sliding down the snakes, after a while we were
throwing sixes again and going up the ladder.

I dreamt I met the Queen and said I could do a better job of running
the country. And Erin was there, well she would be, because if I had a
bike we would be riding the bike into the future, or in a rocket plane
zooming off into tomorrow somewhere. There's a film called "It Came
From Beneath The Sea" where the scientist bloke in it has to fly across
the States to California in a military jet and he takes his girl with
him and it was a bit like that maybe. I dont even know how to fly.
Another idea i have is getting a Mercedes Gullwing with r.h.d. and
travelling the planet in it, like from another world. But what I am
trying to say is that I get emotional sometimes and if I cant reach
someone, it hurts. Especially if that someone is hurting too. I believe
in people, I believe that life is not set out to be full of hurt and
confusion, it just appears that way sometimes. Or walk through city
streets in the rain, just holding hands. It hurts me when Erin cries, I
dont want to see her sad. I'd rather see her smile.

I slept on top of the covers in my shorts. Longhair had got wet and
spent a long time trying to get comfortable. I think the cats know the
higher up the bed, nearer to the pillows they are it means something in
cat lore, like being above the salt or summat. They are very proud are
the cats and fiercely territorial.

They dont like to see each other upset either.