Diversity

It’s far from easy being me.
I have a past I would rather forget;
it surfaces time and time again,
Understandably.
A past filled with needs- selfish needs
which I tried to fulfil
with help from others
who likewise craved their selfish needs fulfilled.
They loved to hate me
and I loved to hate myself.
I was never able to fulfil the most basic emotional needs
because my ego had to accommodate
the others needs.
In this emotive chaos and morass
I was supposed to please everyone.
Except I never seemed to please myself.
And it wasn’t enough
I was deficient as a mother, a lover, a friend, a daughter and a sister.
In my heart, the part of me that was good and righteous
drowned in my emotional chaos.
My hunger for love was never satiated
because I satisfied my hunger with alcohol, pills and drugs
and thus deprived myself of the true values of life,
that are truly found in the normality
and diversity of a sound outlook
and not in the mists of denial.
I frightened my surroundings with my denial
and from the depths of repression
Innocence immerged.
I can never be a daughter again
but I can be a Mother, a sister and a friend,
and that truly pleases me.

W
A
K
E

U
P

Satiate with diversity and a sound outlook