My Dinosaur Era Chapter 19

 

the warmth of the bed gently holds me down

a new warmth, vanilla, fuzzy, gentle

try to move to check the time

pinned down, ginny’s head on my chest

how I would awake with jane

I touch her hair, brush it away from her face

to see her in peace, a rare thing

to see her not fighting the world

nested in me, as if we were lovers

fully clothed, exhausted, sexless lovers

can’t wake her, the time doesn’t matter

could be anything, could be nothing

timeless tuesday, giving ourselves jet lag

 

lie like this for ages, need to piss now

try to slide my arm out from under her head

her face turns upward to look at me

eyes flicker open

oh, hello, she says

hello, you, I say

I forgot I was here, she says

I forgot you were here too, I say

hmm, I hope you’re making coffee, she says

yeah, I need to piss too, I say

ah, you say the loveliest things to a girl when she’s just waking up, she says

I squeeze her neck with my wrapped around arm, pull her into me

I put my mouth right into her ear

look, I’m making you coffee aren’t I, I say

mm, yeah, you are, now get going bitch, she says

we laugh, nuzzled into each other, we stay like this

maybe just for a few seconds, melding

I release, set her head down onto the pillow

turn quickly, jump out of bed, toilet

 

bought a half bottle of brandy

on the way back up the hill this morning

the man in the shop, hallucinating

seeing the same people back again

more booze, yeah it’s morning, all good

it’s a brandy coffee day if there ever was one

the kettle huffs away, I feel like I smell

or maybe I just think so, ginny, all vanilla warm musk over there

her head peeping out from under the duvet, checking her phone

squinting, still needs glasses, too vain for that

kettle clicks, I wait for it to cool slightly, open the brandy

the oven clock say that it’s eight forty eight in the morning

meaningless, fuck you time

you have no hold over us today

hand her a coffee, get back under the duvet

check my phone, nothing

the only person who ever messages me is right here

petula, unreachable, fading, a chalk outline

you wanna do something today, I say

yeah, I guess, she says

wow, so much enthusiasm, I say

babe, I’m still asleep, chill will ya, she says

we could get on a train somewhere, I say

oh god, no travelling, we can run away right here in brighton, she says

you are so lazy, I say

you betcha, she says

we drink coffee, we scroll our phones, we sit in our shared warmth

 

some hours later, the brandy depleted

caffeinated out of our minds

still sleepy, lethargy feels welcome

music has entered the room

stevie wonder, foo fighters, woody guthrie, bikini kill

we listen, it permeates without intrusion

delivery man brings us sausage sandwiches

eaten in bed, we lie on a bed of crumb

right, shall we get up now, she says

yeah, sure, do you want so shower, I say

yes please, I feel like I stink, she says

you smell alright, I think I stink, I say

hmm, I have smelt worse, she says

I really don’t want to know, I say

no, you really do not, she says

throws back the duvet, she’s off, into the bathroom

shower straight on, I get up too

throw the duvet on the floor, fold the bed back up

check my phone, still hoping she might surprise me

everything is as it was

 

we make it as far as the windmill, nearest half decent pub

sitting in a corner, drinking recovery pints, we are quiet

you’re thinking about her, aren’t you, she says

hmm, who, I say

oh shut up, you know who, she says

yeah, I was, but I think I am just confused now, I mean, she should have sorted her phone one way or another by now right, I say

you’d think so, she says

so maybe all this was a lie, decided against me, wanted out, fabricated some story, knowing I could never find her again, I say

look, who knows why people do things, I hate to say it my love, but you need to consider moving the fuck on, she says

yeah, I guess, I say

three pints later, the bar is filling up, people on the way home from jobs

us, in our own workless enclave, eating crisps as if there is no tomorrow

I reach to check my phone, no, no, going nuts with this

drop it hard onto the table

jesus, timmy, you made me jump, she says

you know what, fuck this, you’re right, fuck her, I say

well, I didn’t say fuck her, just that you need to move on, she says

yeah, well, that then, I’m going to get a flight to bilbao, it’s still cheap for tomorrow, I looked earlier, I say

great, what time are we flying, she says

what, I say

there’s no way I am letting you go on your own at the moment, timmy, no way, she says

what about work, I say

I need a holiday, they’ll cope, I am the boss after all, she says

yeah, I guess, I say

unless you don’t want me to come, she says

yeah, no, yeah, of course I do, I say

right, well, let’s book it then, she says

pick up my phone, checking the flights

what are you actually doing, she says

booking the flight, I say

on your phone, you maniac, no, no, this is a computer job not a phone job, she says

what, I say

you can’t book it on your phone, it’s too important, she says

you are mental, I say

maybe, but let’s go back to yours and do it properly, ok, she says

ok, boss, I say