I wish I wasn't upset
I feel like ive been forced into life.
Nothing other humans do is to my liking.
I hate sex. Therefor I have no relationships. Weddings. Children. Or wife.
I hate social media of all kind. I find it meaningless and time-consuming.
I have no friends and have come to realize, its because I can't tolerate other humans for long.
I am highly intelligent. But see science as basic and simply another belief system. I dont adhere to religion. Or atheism for that matter.
I am disgusted by all animal by-products like cheese and eggs and milk. Things we apparently need to survive, yet I can't eat without being disgusted.
I tried veganism, but I dont trust it. I think its another tightly-held belief system. And not an actual way of life. I wish to be Vegan but am scared of becoming physically-ill due to potential lack of nutrients.
I have fear and apprehension of the future. Afraid that Technology and humans will only become more detached from the spirit world and dreams. Things, I feel, will become even more monitered and controlled. The anti-psychotic injections of today, will become "we can just erase mental illness, you'll be as good as new."
I dont know about super powers. But I have many abiliites. All of which are at their beginnings. Misunderstood and unable to aid me enough in this prison of the mind and body you've created me.
I've lost my desire to travel. I don't care to travel to poor countries, and use my minimal "money" to feel better in another country that's not much different from this un-civilized, misguided and evil country called Canada.
My father gave up gave up on taking care of us (mentally) about ten years ago. And of all his 10+ children I am the only one to suffer due to his callouse and careless behaviour.
I worked hard in August - December of 2020. I quit marijuana. Quit watching porn. I stopped eating any sweets and junk food. I felt, plans coming in. Hope for the future. I felt joy. Naturally high again due to winning the trial against Forced-Psychiatry and Forced-Antipsychotics. I came to once again appreciate life and people and existence. But my father threw all of that in the garbage. With one phone call. 911
Losing my ability to feel happiness. And hope, now a joke.
There's no god. There's no universe that cares about me. Even my mom says regularly I'm "a dead creature" its really mean and hurtful, but its her sincere words and has been saying it for years. Switching from llvely and caring, to deemeaning my life.
Heck I DONT EVEN LIKE TALKING OR LANGUAGE. I was so happy the 2 weeks I wasnt having to talk. Where I fasted from words. I had dreams where I talked to animals, on only the 3rd day. And on the 5th day, ended up running into the one deaf person I know. Odd, but not a coincidence.
I think this means I am an accident. And that this life is not for me. I don't feel at home on Earth.
Some believe I am going to hell. More than likely what my father (and maybe even my mother) justify the abuse they inflict on me every winter... where cops are called on my to disturb my sleep. And I am sent to a "hospital" that feels more like a dentention center. Like jail.
I have reasons. Valid actual reasons why I am the way I am. I didnt ask for a hard life that my parents only and sadly made harder.
This is my slice of true happiness: that I didn't ask to be born or created. I just am here. Floating. Watching the slow days pass by