Distraction
By Alaw
Sun, 15 Jun 2008
- 626 reads
3 comments
Mingled with desire
your beatific smile rises
from the caverns of my memory
but your words are thorns.
They pierce the hectic seal of day and
words entwine in wreaths,
strangled, gasping
perplexed and wounded.
(I love you
we need space
it’s difficult
come around)
One unguarded moment and the vision
seeped through,
spilt milk dripping at the foot
of the refrigerator door.
I set about cleaning
to sponge off the confusion,
occupy my hands.
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I liked this when I first
Permalink Submitted by onemorething on
I liked this when I first read it, but something didn't feel quite right about it. I've thought about it and I think it's because the first half doesn't seem to match the second. The thing is I like the writing of both halves...I'm just not sure the first two stanzas connect with the rest or seem to lead into them in an effective way - I realise they connect with the ending, but well, it just feels a bit too disjointed for me. Does that make sense? Just my opinion, of course.
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