Tatooed...you know the other two

Forget Blued &; Tatooed by J.B. Pravda

'Really Dirty Hairy's' was the place to go for 'truly original body
enchancement' as the advertisement boasted; the group of Central
European sailors was truly a motley crew, from ages 35 to baby-faced
Ivan the Terrible, his mates called him. The British artiste in
residence demanded: "Right, 'ooose nex, then?" Up stepped seaman Ivan,
who, in broken English demanded: "Ovair heart, beeg 'X' should
say&;#8230;.Place wooden stake her and push! Hairy, as he was
proudly known, simply growled: "As yew wish, laddy" and began to scar
the skin over Ivan's heart when Ivan footnotedly screamed: "In guud
Russian Red!" Laughingly, the crowd gathered round as the elaborate
insignia was etched forever into Ivan's
flesh&;#8230;&;#8230;.suddenly, having imbibed one pint too many,
Hairy's usually steady artisan's hand pressed down with a bit too much
pressure, piercing the seemingly normal skin of Ivan, whereupon the
inking jet was drawn into the chest cavity, as it were, replete with
hissing and squirting of blood! Hairy recoiled in horror as what used
to be Ivan simply dessicated before his eyes; his fellow sailors,
seeming unphased, turned to Hairy in seeming unison, imparting to him
with fangs revealed, "Move over, Jock di Ripper!"