Kick up the arse

What this town needs is a good kick up the arse. It needs cars
driving round with those loud speakers on top telling everybody to pull
their bloody socks up. It needs planes flying overhead dropping
leaflets that say 'Come on! Sort yourselves out!! And make it
sharpish!!!'. It needs men of action to move in and take it by the
scruff of the neck. It needs a shot in the arm. A poke in the eye. A
right good seeing to. A makeover. Home Front and Ground Force and all
of them. It needs people to be woken up bright and early each morning
by all singing, all dancing Redcoats who haul us belching and farting
into the streets and make us touch our toes. It needs an overhaul. It
needs a new brush. It needs a Shake and Vac to put the freshness back.
It needs those American type folk with the big white teeth that tell
everybody that 'Yes you too can succeed! I was once a no good bum and
now I own my own Continent!!'. It needs a good coach. It needs a good
talking to. It needs Alex Ferguson to yank each and every one of us
into his office and give us the hairdryer treatment. It needs Japanese
Industry Employer Techniques. It needs energy. It needs direction. It
needs planning. It needs a big shot Mayor who refuses to take 'No' for
an answer. It needs everybody to take a good long look at themselves in
the mirror. It needs everybody to stir from their torpor. It needs
stirring up, (little darling). It needs each and every one of us to
stir our stumps. It needs people to shout from the rooftops. It needs
people to say 'Enough is enough! We can have more than this!!' It needs
vision. A vision thing. Most definitely one of those. It probably needs
a PR consultant. It needs a sense of purpose. It needs a shot of zeal.
It needs some lead in its pencil. Some gusto. Some vigour. Some old
fashioned red-bloodedness. It needs Charlton Heston. It needs Rocky. It
needs sweaty little men who tell us all to knock the hell out of joints
of meat and go running round the town until we're fit to drop because
we know that we can do it; that we can be the Champions of the World!!
It needs a stirring soundtrack just like 'The Eye Of The Tiger'. It
needs to strut it's stuff. It needs a firework shoving up it's
backside. It needs it's eyes opening. It needs a bloody great prod. It
needs &;#8230;. aspirations. Yes, that's the word I've been looking
for. Aspirations. It needs aspirations. Double aspirations. Triple
aspirations.

With a cherry on top.