Here Comes The Weekend - June 28 2002

The weekend is one of those important times for us, we spend two
days having fun. Yesterday I was sad, today I feel better. In fact as
of late last night I feel better. I found out that a troll had escaped
onto the board, posted a lot of nasty comments and left me in tears.
These tears never fell, but they sat behind my eyes all morning. In
fact the emotion was so bad that by the end of the day I had back
ache.

I spent most of the morning at work typing up this incredibly long
document and feeling so bad that I had to go out for a ciggie every
half an hour. One time I was out there smoking and a saw a bird on its
own hopping about, and it gave me an idea for a poem I wrote last night
and have posted, called "Like A Lost Bird". I also wrote two short
shorts and a song. The song is about a couple who have been together
for years and one of them is feeling burned out by all the rowing, but,
and this is important, they stay still stay with the other and they
still love them. It could be either partner singing the song.

I caught myself listening to some music which eneded up depressing me
more than I realised, so I stopped it and bought on something different
instead and believe me I felt a whole lot better.

I was reminded at work that work is for work, and not surfing the
internet. It is likely that soon everything we do at work on the net
will be logged and we will be held accountable for it, even usage of
email could be regulated. It's a scarey thought, this is the real Big
Brother in action. Most of us have web based email accounts so maybe it
won't matter....

I had another strange dream last night. This time I was in a stationery
shop looking at writing instruments and trying to find out if the owner
who ran the shop had any specific sorts. At one stage they went to
lunch leaving me alone and I went all over the house looking for stuff
and then returned to the main shop. I had to buy cigarettes as well,
but they only had packets of ten for some reason. Then the water from
outside came in like a flood.

I was thinking about my writing and last night I wrote because I was
still a bit depressed, and yet unable to exactly capture my depression
in words. The words wouldn't come, and I panicked momentarily because I
thought I had lost the ability to write, but I hadn't and four bits
later I clearly hadn't.

I am iced about the weekend. I am looking forward to meeting people
there, especially ... and seeing them. I have my tickets and my room
booked. The tickets haven't arrived yet, but they should turn up today
(28)

Watching Big Brother I reckon that Sophie is going to be evicted
tomorrow. Kate is an emotional like me, she spent a while trying to
find out why Tim and Jad didn't like Sophie - they said that she was
false and fake, and then Kate told Sophie, because I guess she had to
let Sophie know. I feel sorry for Sophie. Kate nearly cried again, I
think she hates all the bitchin that goes on in the house. Tim
surprised me, to sit there calmly and say "I have never made a
mistake", excuse me but how can you say that. Surely thats how we
learn, by our mistakes. You cannot be perfect, no-one is that perfect,
chum. The reason I watch Big Brother is that I see how a group of
people who start as strangers interact with one another. I try to learn
from what I see.

A while back I said in one of my entries about setting up a publishing
business if I won the lottery. In fact if I wanted to I could do that
right now, but it would take a lot of work, and would be not-for-profit
obviously. But I will have to see. I mean I haven't even put together a
decent website for myself yet. :)

I found out why I have been sleeping badly too, it is due to the amount
of coffee I was drinking in the evening. Since the decaff ran out two
days ago, I have probably been drinking more full strength than I
should with the result that I cant get to sleep. I spoke with ... on
chat again. Most evenings I seem to be online, then I eat tea, watch
Big Brother, write and chat.

The Longhair had been out late and came in at two in the morning. They
both sleep on the bed, Tabby at one side and the Longhair on the other.
Occasionally Tabby sleeps in the Longhair's basket just to show who's
boss....