Reality

Not a grey day but not like abroad either. No fish leaping. No big
complements from anyone.

Just reality.

I have a son who keeps banging into me when we walk. I was wearing
flipflops and he did this thing of keep stepping on the back of one and
sending it forward. I don't know how but it kept happening, and the
suddenness each time this happened finally made me lose my temper and
shout. I was shocked myself, it was more like a scream.

He apologised and I kept looking sideways to see if he was upset. I
apologised but it happened again and I shouted

"WILL YOU PLEASE KEEP MORE SPACE IN BETWEEN US!"

it came out in a soulless robotic voice, a sort of cold anger.
something out of a horror film. a mediaeval monk's voice coming out of
a severed head, or someone's head under a hairdryer. Being fitted for a
corset.

I've got to stop reacting like this. He is such a nice kid. I'd hate
people shouting at me for being clumsy.

Perhaps my nerves are not great today. I was put upon to feed my
friends sons gecko. They have gone away for a few days. I had to buy a
carton of live crickets and carry them around town. It wouldnt bother
me normally, but today I found them repulsive. Especially when I saw
that they were olive green, like a sort of wet camouflage pants fabric.
Feeding them to the gecko was not easy for me either, and I was
disappointed by the gecko's lack of enthusiasm as it began to eat the
crickets. not an ounce of gratefulness.

it's 12.30 and i need an early night. I feel like a grumpy old cow.
Better not step on my toes.