My Dinosaur Era Chapter 14

 

twenty minutes on the train, sat in our silences, I closed my eyes for a while

could have easily fallen asleep, I could feel petula leaning against my shoulder

this must be what peace feels like

 

back in brighton, station is packed

football must be on, barriers funnel bodies to the platforms

we skirt the masses, take a street to the right, away from it all

are you terribly tired, she says

we are walking up a hill, I do feel terribly tired

I am terribly tired, I say

I thought you might be, she says

sorry, my fault for getting wrecked last night, I say

don’t be silly, you had bad news, you’re entitled to let loose, she says

I guess, perhaps I just need another coffee, I say

or a nap, she says

no, I want to spend the day with you, that’s what we were going to do, I say

we could have a nap together, she says

I haven’t napped with someone for ages, I say

since jane, she says

yes, since jane, I say

would it be upsetting to nap with me, do you think, she says

I think it would be far from upsetting, I say

as long as you’re sure, she says

shall we go to mine, I say

yes, your sofa is very nappable, she says

ok, cool, where do you live, I say

oh, up kinda hanover way, she says

right, so you are used to these hills, I say

yeah, yeah, I am

she trails off, the question about where she lived threw her

the first time I have noticed some discomfort

 

arrive at my place, I get the key in the door first time

did you tidy up for me, she says

no, ginny did, she’s like you in that respect, I say

oh, was she here last night then, she says

try to detect her tone, is she jealous, curious, confused

or I could just answer the question

yeah, until I fell asleep on the sofa, I say

I know it’s a small sample size but you do seem to do that a lot, she says

it’s a comfy sofa, very nappable as someone once said, I say

that it is, she says

I sit down at one end of the sofa, she hesitates 

squeezes past the coffee table. sits down next to me

so how are we going to do this, I say

why don’t you get into your usual napping position and I’ll fit in, she says

I like that you are so practical, I say

am I, she says

yes, you just say it, like suggesting this in the first place, I say

I guess I say what I feel, it doesn't always work out well, she says

I lean back into the sofa, still sat upright, wiggle my back until it’s comfortable

petula shuffles up to me, leans her head against my chest

tucks her knees up, her long legs still poking over the edge

I put my arm over her head, across her shoulder

she pushes the side of her face deeper into my chest

it feels like she is inside me, looking around at the mess within

I close my eyes

are you comfy, she says

very, I say

me too, she says

 

I didn’t sleep, I imagined my heart in my chest, pounding in her ear

even though she was on the other side

I lay there, eyes closed, the blackness allowing in colours that spun around

now and then, my arm involuntarily pulled her a tiny bit closer 

felt like she was truly asleep, her breathing non existent against me

after a while, I checked my phone, half an hour in this position

hoped it would never end, she stirred, looked up at me, a moment's confusion

tapped me gently on the chest

I’m hungry now, she said

me too, let’s go eat, I said

ok, you choose though, if you leave it to me, we’ll starve, she said

 

I fancied ramen, so we went to the ramen place, we had ramen

squeezed in on stools at one end of the bar, a couple of six foot people

giants shoving noodles into their faces above the throng

I’ve never been here before, she says

I’ve not been in ages, I just had a mad hankering, I say

I’m glad you did, she says

mm, it’s good, I say

I need to head off soon, I said I’d visit my mum and she goes to bed at like nine, she says

ok, cool, where does she live, I say

seaford, she says

oh dear, I say

it’s not that bad, she says

it is, I say

yeah, it is, I always feel the need to feebly defend it because of mum, she says

how did she end up in seaford, I say

she moved here ten years ago after dad died, she says

ah right, ok, I say

then I followed her down a few years later, was too far to travel to see her, she says

but you didn’t fancy seaford, I say

not really, brighton seemed so much more exciting, she says

it is, though sometimes I think it’s too exciting, maybe I want somewhere quieter, I say

like bilbao, she says

well, maybe but it's not that quiet, but it feels more chill than here, I say

do you think you’ll go there soon, she says

I’m not sure, you’re right, now is as good as time as any, I’ll have a think, I say

 

outside we walk back towards the station, it’s early evening,

brighton in transition from lunchtime outside drinks

to early evening drinks for people who actually work on a saturday

the football crowds have depleted, the occasional brighton shirt still around

looks like they won, buoyant men walk down the middle of a side road

reluctantly letting cars pass, lost in their fervour

 

we walk to the barriers, petula stops and turns to face me

I’ve had a lovely day, she says

I have too, I say

one more hug for the road, she says

definitely, I say

we move to each other, more mutual than before

she nestles her head into my shoulder

I grasp her back, strong shoulders, she smells incredible

do you do a lot of swimming, I say

I used to when I was younger, swam for the county, she says

you have swimmer’s shoulders, I say

yeah, they are kinda big, she says

like your big weird face, I say

yes, they are in proportion, she says

an announcement cuts through the air,

a train is coming, a train is going

I had better go,my train is in two minutes, I’ll see you soon, she says

yes, see you soon, I say